Do Producers Dream Of Celluloid Sheep?

HARRISON FORD GOTTA EAT!!

2007-06-25T12:11:00.001-07:00

Oh HELL yeah.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

THE DARK KNIGHT!

2007-06-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

Starting back with a BANG, Sheepers!!

Aw, SNAP!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

The Return of the SHEEEEEEEEEEP!

2007-06-11T20:06:00.000-07:00

This post heralds the return of this blog. Get ready, 'cause the venom is about to SPEW!

-Constable Kreegal
Still the Big Boss of The Sheep

SPIDER-MAN 3 TEASER

2006-06-27T14:09:00.000-07:00

Wow. That's all I can say.

SPIDER-MAN 3 TEASER IN GLORIOUS QUICKTIME!

Watch it yourself.

It's going to be a LONG year to wait.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Downtime and No Time

2006-06-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, sheepers... here's the deal. We have something like 24 unique hits a day, and that may or may not be true, according to the site tracker. Most of them are probably me, since no one else can take the time to write anything.

Thus, it's not an easy thing to keep this site updated, especially when we don't really believe anyone cares.

So, we are weighing some options. If, for some reason, you dig the sheep, leave a comment. Post something. Send some content. Write a review. E-mail it to us. Anything. Whatever.

Otherwise, we will either close up shop and I'll keep my funny headlines to myself, or, perhaps we'll move it to just once or twice a week unless something spectacular happens.

Every now and then I don't update just to see if anyone notices. I'm thinking they don't.

Prove me wrong.

Until then, we're closed 'til I feel like posting something else.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 06-06 thru 13-06

2006-06-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

In sickness and in health, The Sheep returns, talking to the silent masses and filling them with news they can get anywhere else.

WORST DIRECTOR EVER, UWE BOLL, WANTS TO FIGHT TALENTED DIRECTOR, QUENTIN TARANTINO. SERIOUSLY. OH, AND BUY TAKING A SHOT AT UWE, DOES THAT MEAN WE AT THE SHEEP GET TO BOX HIS ASS, TOO? 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE SWEEEET!

WILL "SPIDER-MAN 3" BE IN 3-D FOR IMAX?!? WHO CARES!?! JUST GIMMIE IT!

FROM THE VAULT OF SHITTIEST IDEAS EVER, EMINEM TO STAR IN UPDATED FILM VERSION OF "HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL".

FINCHER'S "ZODIAC" MOVES TO JANUARY 2007. GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.

JOHN CLEESE TO WRITE BOOK ABOUT THE HISTORY OF COMEDY, BECAUSE HE'S BETTER AT IT THAN YOU WILL EVER HOPE TO BE.

BRYAN SINGER MADE A BUNCH OF CUTS TO "SUPERMAN RETURNS"...OR, AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT, HAS GUARANTEED 12 DIFFERENT DVD VERSIONS FOR THE NERDS TO BUY.

ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL IS PROUD OF HIS 80'S MOVIES. JUST LIKE ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN WOULD BE PROUD OF THE MOVIES THAT MADE HIM OR HER RIDICULOUSLY FRICKIN' FAMOUS.

EVER WONDER IF HOLLYWOOD PORTRAYS HACKERS CORRECTLY? NO? WE DIDN'T EITHER, BUT SOMEBODY ASKED THE COPS ANYWAY.

PROVING THAT WILLIE NELSON WILL DO ANYTHING TO FEED HIS WEED HABIT, HERE'S THE LOWDOWN ON THE DIRECT-TO-DVD "DUKES OF HAZZARD" PREQUEL YOU WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT.

EMPEROR LUCAS WANTS SEAN CONNERY FOR "INDY 4"....WHATEVER LUUUUUUUCAS WANTS.....LUUUUUUCAS GEEEETS....

TIM BURTON TO DIRECT FILM VERSION OF "SWEENEY TODD", FORGET ABOUT JIM CARREY.

JANET JACKSON, ONE OF THE LESS-CRAZY JACKSONS, HAS A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT IN SEPTEMBER. HOWEVER, IF IT DOESN'T HAVE A SEQUEL TO "BLACK CAT" ON IT, OR ANOTHER NIPPLE-SLIP, WE'RE NOT SURE WE CARE.

DANNY ELFMAN TAKES HIS NAME OFF OF "NACHO LIBRE", CONTINUES FIGHTING WITH EVERY DIRECTOR HE WORKS WITH.

CRAZY-PYSCHO-IDIOT ANN COULTER TO SQUARE OFF WITH OUT-OF-DATE, STILL MILDLY ENTERTAINING FOUL-MOUTHED COMEDIAN GEORGE CARLIN ON THE "TONIGHT SHOW" WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14TH. SOMEWHERE JOHNNY CARSON IS CRYING. OH, AND KT TUNSTAL IS THE MUSICAL GUEST.

That's it. See, you haven't missed anything.

Get well soon, Big Ben. And where a F'N helmet.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 06-03 thru 05-06

2006-06-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's just another manic Monday.... oh-OOH-oh....

Here's the NEWS (and there ain't much):

ROB ZOMBIE TO TAKE OVER THE "HALLOWEEN" FRANCHISE?!?

"THE BREAK-UP" SCORES THE BIGGEST AT THE BOX OFFICE, BUT "X3" STILL HOLDS STRONG!

SCIENTOLOGY TAKES UP NASCAR RACING, TIRED OF STEALING MONEY FROM PEOPLE THE REGULAR WAY.

FOUR MORE HOURS OF DEADWOOD AFTER THE CLOSE OF SEASON 3?!?

MACOGNAGOGNEY AND CRUZ FINALLY SPLIT.

WHY WATCH THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS, WHEN YOU CAN FIND OUT WHO WON RIGHT HERE!

WHO ARE THE SMARTEST SUPERHEROES?

ARE THERE MOVIES THAT YOU WANT ON DVD THAT HAVEN'T COME OUT YET? VOTE FOR WHAT YOU WANT ON AMAZON.COM!

"AMERICAN IDOL" LOSER CHRIS DAUGHTRY SAYS HE'S GOING TO "DO HIS OWN THING", FLIPS FUEL THE BIRD.

That's it. Not much going on. Enjoy your work. Suckers.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 06-02-06

2006-06-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

SHABBA SHABBA SHABBA! TGIF! Here's the NEWS:

COULD THE "X-MEN" FILM UNIVERSE ACTUALLY BE THINKING ABOUT MAKING AN "EMMA FROST" MOVIE?!?

FOUR VILLAINS IN "SPIDER-MAN 3"?!??!!?

GOD HATES ROGER EBERT.

SUSAN SARANDON JOINS THE CAST OF "RESCUE ME" FOR 4 EPISODES...NOW IF THE ARTICLE ONLY KNEW THE SHOW WAS ON FX INSTEAD OF TNT...

RACHEL WEISZ NOW HAS A BABY BOY TO SIT BY HER OSCAR.

GET THIS: "SAW 3" APPARENTLY HAS A "PLOT".

HAL BYNUM, THE GUY THAT WROTE SUCH COUNTRY HITS AS "LUCILLE" AND "THIS OLD HOUSE" HAS BEEN BUSTED FOR GROWING DOPE. WHERE'S WILLIE?!?

WOULD LIKE 6 MINUTES OF "THE OMEN"? OK.

COULD SCOTT SPEEDMAN BE THE NEXT BAD GUY FOR BRUCE WILLIS TO MURDER IN "DIE HARD 4.0"?

USED-UP COMICS DECIDE THEY WANT TO HELP KIDS AND DOGS IN THE KATRINA AFTERMATH, DECIDE "COMIC RELIEF" WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA. CIRCLE GETS THE SQUARE.

That's it. Go see some movies!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 06-01-06

2006-06-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

Welcome to June.

Here's the NEWS:

"BATWOMAN" IS BACK. AND GAYER THAN AN EIGHT DOLLAR BILL. LET THE COMIC MUFF-DIVING COMMENCE!

OH. MAH. GAWD. RAIMI SAYS "SPIDEY 3" TEASER BEFORE "SUPERMAN RETURNS"?!?!?!?!

ALBA TALKS TURKEY ON "FANASTIC FOUR TWO".

CARS! IN THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE! CAN YOU IMAGINE?!? WELL, HERE ARE SOME PICS OF 'EM IN CASE YOU CAN'T.

AVI ARAD, NEWLY QUIT FROM HIS JOB AT MARVEL, TALKS ABOUT "X-MEN".

OASIS' "DEFINITELY MAYBE" CHOSEN AS ALL-TIME BEST ALBUM BY BRITS.

"ALPHA DOG" MAY ACTUALLY MAKE IT TO THE BIG SCREEN BEFORE JESSE JAMES HOLLYWOOD DIES IN PRISON.

SOFIA COPPOLA IS EXPECTING A BABY. HERE'S HOPING IT CATCHES THE "TALENT" GENE THAT SKIPPED OVER HER.

AND IN OTHER BABY NEWS, ANNA NICOLE SMITH ADMITS SHE'S KNOCKED UP. THE BIG QUESTION: DID WHOEVER SLEPT WITH HER GET THE FAT ANNA OR THE TRIMSPA ANNA? AND WILL THE BABY EVER LEARN TO SPEAK COMPLETE INTELLIGENT SENTENCES?

DANE COOK GETS TO BE THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!

GUY THAT WROTE "THE GRADUATE" IS WRITING A SEQUEL BECAUSE HE'S NEARLY HOMELESS.

That's it! Go home!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-31-06

2006-05-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hopefully we can get this going today. Let's see what we can see.

First, APOCALYPTO!

And now, the NEWS:

HOLY CRAP! "SERENITY" WILL BE BACK IN THEATRES TO HELP JOSS' CHARITY! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT ON THE BIG SCREEN, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!

"SPIDEY 3" SET PICS!

AND NOW, THE THREE COOLEST "SUPERMAN RETURNS" POSTERS YOU'LL SEE THIS YEAR.

"SUPERMAN RETURNS" GETS BUMPED A FEW DAYS!

"SNAKES ON A PLANE" TEASER!

NEW "SUPERMAN RETURNS" TRAILER!

"THE DA VINCI CODE" MAKES IT COOL TO BE THE BAD GUY! OPUS DEI MEMBERSHIPS GO WAY UP!

WELCOME BACK, DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL!

"UNDERWORLD" DIRECTOR TO TAKE ON "DIE HARD 4.0: DIE HACKERING"!

DENNIS FARINA TO LEAVE "LAW & ORDER" AFTER TWO SEASONS, BRISCOE'S GHOST FOR THE WIN!

AVI ARAD TO LEAVE MARVEL STUDIOS!

IN A HAPPY BIT OF NEWS, BRAD & ANGELINA HAVE A LITTLE "SHILOH"!

THEY'RE ALREADY GEARING UP FOR ANOTHER BOND MOVIE?!? BEFORE THIS ONE'S EVEN OUT?!? NIIIIIIIIICE!

AND IN OUR SADDEST BIT OF NEWS, R.I.P. PAUL GLEASON.

"Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."

That's it, kids. Aren't you glad you came?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-27 thru 30-06

2006-05-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Post-Memorial Day and stuff like that. Hope you weren't one of the few that didn't see "X3". 2nd Best Friday - Sunday opening EVER. ("Spider-Man 2" still owns.). And Yes, Shrek 2 and Sith fans, yours started on a Wednesday and a Thursday, respectively, so suck it.

On to the NEWS:

The computers are wacky today, so here's a taste...

THE TOP 25 WORST MOVIE SEQUELS EVER...ACCORDING TO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY.

NO "X4", BUT "WOLVERINE" TO BE CONTINUATION?

Keep checking back. We'll be adding stuff through the next few hours. Sorry for the delay. We know you all love your Monday Sheep....on Tuesday.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-26-06

2006-05-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

GO SEE "X-MEN: THE LAST STAND"!

It is a great time at the movies!

And now, the NEWS:

HERE'S THE LAST BIT OF "X3" WEEK FOR YA! TAKE THE X-QUIZ! NOW FIND YOURSELF A MUTANT AND GO CHECK OUT THE MOVIE!

OK, THIS REALLY IS THE LAST BIT OF "X3" GOODNESS. INTERNATIONAL POSTERS!

OH. MAH. GAWD. FINALLY. "BLADE RUNNER" GETS THE STAR TREATMENT, COMPLETE WITH A 2007 25TH ANNIVERSARY THEATRICAL RE-RELEASE. OH. MAH. GAWD.

NOT A JOKE: "I'LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER". DIRECT-TO-DVD.

NBC, SCARED OF THURSDAYS, MAKES MAJOR SHIFTS IN ITS PROGRAM SCHEDULE TO OVERCOMPENSATE FOR ITS LACK OF BALLS.

MARLON BRANDO, DEAD, TO STAR IN ANOTHER MOVIE. ALONG WITH CHRIS WALKEN, ALIVE.

HELENA BONHAM CARTER IS BELLATRIX LESTRANGE IN POTTER 5!

Oh, and some more t.v. news for ya:

DEAD: PEPPER DENNIS, STACKED, THE BERNIE MAC SHOW, COURTING ALEX, JOEY & EVERWOOD.

Now have a good holiday weekend!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-25-06

2006-05-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Sheep gets to see "X3" tonight. Do YOU?

First, of course, is the NEWS:

MSNBC READERS REVEAL THEIR FAVORITE X-MEN. WHO'S YOURS?!? "X3" WEEK CONTINUES!

SPIELBERG'S REALITY SHOW "ON THE LOT" GOES LIVE! SIGN-UP NOW YOU WANNABE SUCKAS!

SPEAKING OF "SPIELBERG"... COULD SONY TAP HIM TO DIRECT "ANGELS & DEMONS" INSTEAD OF OPIE?!? WH-WH-WHAT?!? WELL, GOSH... IF WE HAD OUR CHOICE... WHO CARES?!? IT'LL BE FRICKIN' AWESOME EITHER WAY!!

LAUREN SHULER DONNER SAYS IT'S PROBABLY NOT "THE LAST STAND" FOR THE "X-MEN". OBVIOUSLY. ESPECIALLY AFTER IT MAKES $200 MILLION DOLLARS.

WHAT'S BETTER THAN BIG MOVIE POSTERS? WHY, SHITTY MOVIES THAT STEAL YOUR POSTER IDEAS, OF COURSE. WE GIVE YOU... C. THOMAS HOWELL & LANCE HENRICKSON (TO NAME A FEW).

SPEAKING OF WANNABES, DO YOU WANNA BE ON "LOST", "GHOST WHISPERER" OR "PRISON BREAK"? THEN YOU BETTER GET YOUR RESUME DUSTED OFF, POSER!

KEVIN SMITH PREPARES FOR CANNES BY RELEASING ANOTHER TEASER FOR "CLERKS 2" BECAUSE HE WILL OWN YOU.

GAY VAMPIRE MUSICAL "LESTAT" GETS READY TO SHUT DOWN ON SUNDAY, ELTON JOHN HEARD TO BE "NOT GIVING TOO MUCH OF A SHIT" WHILE CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.

AGENT AARON PIERCE JOINS THE CAST OF "TRANSFORMERS: PRIME DIRECTIVE"!

FINALLY, JAY LENO OLD MAN LOOKIN' BAD SINGER-GUY WINS "AMERICAN IDOL". BOY, THAT CHICK REALLY MUST'VE BEEN A DYKE.

Take it or leave it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-24-06

2006-05-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERRICA!

And now, Hump-day NEWS:

CONTINUING "X3" WEEK, HERE'S A LITTLE MORE WOLVERINE, ALL TUXED-OUT WITH NO PLACE TO SNIKT.

"GHOST RIDER" BURNS UP THE TRAILERS FOR "X3"!

CHARACTER ACTORS GET THE PICTURE TREATMENT VIA TIME MAGAZINE...AND YOU STILL WON'T REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!

PATIENCE, GRASSHOPPER. "KUNG FU" THE MOVIE IS COMING.

HEATH "LIKES IT IN THE BUTT" LEDGER AND HIS WIFE MICHELLE "MY DAD COMMITS TAX FRAUD" WILLIAMS WILL BOTH STAR IN A BOB DYLAN BIOPIC, WHERE LEDGER, AMONG FIVE OTHERS, WILL ALL PLAY VARIOUS STAGES OF BOB DYLAN.

"THE 4400" IS ON THE WAY BACK...AND PERHAPS WITH EVEN SOME OF THE CAST RETURNING!

SONY HIRES "DA VINCI CODE" WRITER TO PEN "ANGELS & DEMONS" AS WELL. THAT'S 1 DOWN, 2 TO GO. FETCH ME OPIE AND AMERICA'S FAVORITE ACTOR, POST HASTE!

FINALLY, KENNY CHESNEY IS THE ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR. SOMEWHERE OUT IN AMERICA, BONO, MADONNA & AXL ROSE ARE CRYING. TOGETHER. PROBABLY NAKED. FEEDING POOR PEOPLE. FIGHTING CATHOLICS. WISHING HE WAS STILL POPULAR. RESPECTIVELY.

That's it! The Sheep sees "X3" tomorrow at MIDNIGHT! Where will YOU be?!?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-23-06

2006-05-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears that the day after Monday, is, in fact, still, Tuesday. Welcome.

Here's the news:

AS IT'S "X3" WEEK HERE AT THE SHEEP, THE NEXT FEW DAYS WILL BE RIDDLED WITH "X3" JUNK. TO START, HERE'S A LOOK AT THE LADIES!

THE JACK BAUER POWER HOUR COMES TO A CLOSE UNTIL JANUARY 2007. SPOILERS!

JOSS WHEDON GIVES BUFFY FANS SEASON 8....IN COMIC BOOKS FORM!

"ALIAS", LIKE OTHER GOOD SHOWS, IS OVER. TIME TO PUT YOUR CRAZY WIGS AND HOT DRESSES AWAY.

14 OF THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMS EVER MADE!

IT DOESN'T PAY TO HAVE A RICH DAUGHTER. JUST ASK MICHELLE WILLIAMS' DAD.

BOND. JAMES BOND. THE WEBSITE. THE CASINO ROYALE WEBSITE. IS UP.

CILLIAN MURPHY IS FINALLY IN ANOTHER MOVIE!

NEW "SUPERMAN RETURNS" TRAILER CONTINUES THE "SO MUCH FOR A COOL-SERIOUS-SUPERMAN-MOVIE" IDEA. HEY, BRYAN SINGER.... RICHARD DONNER WANTS HIS MOVIE BACK.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ JUST CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A DRUNKEN THUG THAT NO ONE CAN STAND. MORE JAIL!

FIN.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 05-20 thru 22-06

2006-05-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hope you had a good weekend, and I hope you saw THE DA VINCI CODE, because it's AWESOME, and it made the 2nd Highest Worldwide Gross in HISTORY (2nd only to STAR WARS: EP. III). Now... on to X3!

TONIGHT, it's the 2-HOUR SEASON FINALE OF "24"!!!!

First, a Southland Tales poster:

AND A CLIP!

Now, finally, the news (and there isn't much):

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! SONY MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO MAKE "ANGELS & DEMONS"! BRING BACK HOWARD & HANKS, AND BURN ALL THE HATERS AT THE STAKE!

BOX OFFICE DEI!

AQUA-DAMN!! WHAT DID THE CW PASS UP?!?

HBO CONSIDERS MAKING A "PREACHER" SERIES?!? NOW THAT WOULD BE NICE. IT'LL GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO FINALLY BUY ALL THE TRADES!

CONAN O'BRIEN WILL HOST THE EMMY'S AGAIN!

THE GOVERMENT IS SUING UNIVERSAL PICTURES BECAUSE SOME BLACK GUY GOT FIRED. BUT, I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? HE'S BLACK, RIGHT?!? DOH.

That's really it. Entertainment News must still be recovering from the ass-kicking it took from THE DA VINCI CODE this weekend. GO SEE IT AGAIN!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-19-06

2006-05-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

It's DA VINCI CODE DAY! GO SEE IT! WE ARE!!

But first, the NEWS:

REMEMBER, REMEMBER, THE FIRST OF...AUGUST, SUCKERS. "V FOR VENDETTA" HITS THE SHELVES!

WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES TO NOTICE THAT "MERCY REEF" (THE FORTHCOMING AQUAMAN SHOW) WASN'T ON THE CW'S LIST! DEAD! DEAD, I TELL YOU!

ON THAT NOTE, THE REAL CW LIST!

CASABLANCA. IN 30 SECONDS. WITH BUNNIES.

FRANK SPOTNITZ, WRITER OF ALL THINGS "X-FILES", IS HARD AT WORK ON "X-FILES 2: SEX?".

MSNBC RATES THEIR TOP 5 BOOK-TO-FILM ADAPTATIONS, STILL NO "LORD OF THE RINGS" OR EVEN "THE DRAGON RUBY".

RODRIGUEZ ANNOUNCES MORE "PLANET TERROR" OR "PROJECT TERROR" OR WHATEVER CAST, KICKING THE "GRINDHOUSE" TRAIN UP A NOTCH, AND BACK ANOTHER HALF A YEAR.

DON'T HAVE ALL THE NERD GEAR YOU NEED? BUY ALL OF THIS "STAR TREK" STUFF BEING AUCTIONED!

MISCHA BARTON DIES, SHITS ALL OVER FANS 2 HOURS BEFORE FINALE.

AS IF VINCE VAUGHN AS SANTA'S SHITTY BROTHER, "JOE CLAUS", ISN'T ENOUGH, LET'S ADD PAUL GIAMATTI, DAME JUDI DENCH AND KEVIN SPACEY INTO THE MIX!

FRESH OUT OF DEBT, TONI BRAXTON HIT VEGAS!

MORE FROM THE "SHAUN OF THE DEAD", "SUPERFUZZ" DIARIES!

SPEAK JAPANESE? BUY SADDAM'S BOOK! AMAZON.COM'S JAPAN DIVISION EXPECTED TO BLOW UP SPOT.

BANA WANTS BE HULK 2. BANA SMASH!

That's it. Have a great weekend. Go see THE DA VINCI CODE about 50 times. You know you wanna!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 05-18-06

2006-05-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

Thursday. Anything to report? Of course. How about the cover to the first new "old" STAR WARS DVD. Head to STARWARS.COM for the rest of 'em.

And now, the NEWS:

SO KEVIN SMITH & THE WEINSTEINS (ALL SMARTER THAN YOU), HAVE FOUND THE MOST BRILLIANT WAY TO GET REPEAT PERFORMANCES OF THEIR FILMS IN THEATERS. "IN THEATER COMMENTARY!" SNOOTCH TO THA NOOTCH!

FOX ANNOUNCES LINE-UP, STILL "24" -CENTRIC.

THE GILMORES AND VERONICA MARS TAKE ON TUESDAYS, AND LITTLE SUPERMAN & THE SUPERNATURAL BOYS TAKE ON THURSDAYS. STAY TUNED FOR A FULL CW REPORT LATER TODAY.

BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU, JET LI & JACKIE CHAN ARE GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE TOGETHER.

FANS ARE BANDING TOGETHER TO TRY TO SAVE "DEADWOOD", EVEN THOUGH THE ACTORS MIGHT NOT WANT IT SAVED.

STEPHEN KING'S "DESPERATION" KICKS INTO 3-HOUR GEAR ON TUESDAY.

LINKLATER GIVES YOU A TASTE OF "FAST FOOD NATION".

CBS DITCHES MOVIES, ADDS SHOWS ON SUNDAYS. GLAD THEY DIDN'T LIKE THEM EITHER.

NEED ANOTHER CARTOON? TRY THE TRAILER FOR "FLUSHED AWAY".

IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF RACIAL EQUALITY, JAMIE FOX LEADS BET NOMINATIONS!

ED NORTON WISHES HE HAD BEEN ON TAXI.

HOW MUCH ARE THOSE F'N CONCERT TICKETS?!? WELL, LET US TELL YOU.

DAVID STRATHAIRN PREPARED TO TAKE ON "CHALLENGER", KEEP MAKING MOVIES WHERE HE DESERVES AN OSCAR.

PETTY, COCKER, NICKELBACK, BLACK CROWES PREPARE TO ROCK OUT WITH THE BIKERS OF STURGIS.

WELCOME TO THE X-MEN UNIVERSE, VIA MSNBC.

PAUL BETTANY, MICHAEL DOUGLAS, DAVID SPADE. WHICH OF THESE GUYS WILL STILL HAVE THEIR HOTTIE AFTER TODAY? NOT SO FAST, DAVID SPADE.

That's it. Isn't that enough?

Still following Blue's Clues,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-17-06

2006-05-17T08:49:00.000-07:00

First, a hump-day poster...

Now, the hump-day NEWS:

SIX MINUTES OF AARON SORKIN'S PILOT FOR "STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP"! GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!

ALIVE: SUPERNATURAL, SMALLVILLE. 'NUFF SAID.

OMG! HAN SHOOTS FIRST AGAIN!! ORIGINAL "UNALTERED" STAR WARS TRILOGY COMING TO DVD!!!

AND NOW, IN ENGLISH, OLIVER STONE BLOWS UP THE TOWERS.

"LOST" LEARNS A LESSON FROM "24". NO REPEATS NEXT SEASON. TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, AND BECAUSE NOVEMBER 3RD IS SO CLOSE, HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR "THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE BIGGEST PAYCHECK"!

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A LOVE STORY BETWEEN SANDRA BULLOCK & KEANU REEVES WITHOUT DENNIS HOPPER? CHECK "THE LAKE HOUSE" TRAILER.

THE RAT HATES THE FRENCH, AND THE FRENCH WILL HATE "RUSH HOUR 3".

"HOW TO EAT FRIED TRAILERS"

DEAD: EVERWOOD. SERIOUSLY? YES. ALIVE: VERONICA MARS & ONE TREE HILL. THE STRANGENESS OF THE WB / CW TRANSITION STILL AMAZES THE SHEEP.

PRINCE CASPIAN FIGHTS FOR NARNIA'S THRONE IN 2008!

WILLIAM H. MACY TACKLES ANOTHER OSCAR-WORTHY PROJECT: "HOUSE OF THE RE-ANIMATOR"!

WANT TO KNOW IF THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE WILL BE "DOPE"? HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO READ A SCRIPT REVIEW. PERHAPS THE FILM WON'T BE "WHACK".

IN A SMART CAREER MOVE (WHERE HIS BANK ACCOUNT IS CONCERNED), ROB LOWE WILL BE STARRING IN THE SEQUEL TO "STIR OF ECHOES".

"YESTERDAY....MY ONE-LEGGED WIFE HOPPED AWAY....NOW IT LOOKS AS THOUGH SHE'LL HIDE AWAY... I CAN'T BELIEVE...SHE'S GONE A-WAY". THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SEPARATION OF PAUL MCCARTNEY AND HEATHER MILLS...AND THE GHOST OF LINDA SMILING DOWN FROM HEAVEN.

That's it. Have a good Wednesday. See you tomorrow, if you're lucky.
As always, visit our friends on the right. Thanks to AICN, DARK HORIZONS, CHUD & JOBLO, as per usual.

Click, refresh, read, repeat.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-16-06

2006-05-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

TOOOOOOOSDAY!

A Car!

The NEWS:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY'VE MOVED "CLERKS 2" UP TO JULY, PITTING IT AGAINST "LADY IN THE WATER" AND "MONSTER HOUSE"! WHY WON'T THEY ALLOW KEVIN SMITH TO EVER MAKE REAL MONEY?!?

"SPACED" FINALLY COMES TO AMERICA! CALL IT "SHAUN OF THE ALIENS" IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT JUST BE SURE TO CALL IT!

FANTASTIC FOUR 2 MAKES IT SOONER TO AVOID BEING TRAMPLED ON BY AUTOBOTS.

AAAAAH, GERMANS AND THEIR REVERANCE FOR OLIVER STONE & THE WORLD TRADE CENTER. CHECK CHUD FOR A TRAILER AND POSTER!

DEAD: COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, ALIAS, SONS & DAUGHTERS. ALIVE: PLENTY. CLICK IT.

"THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA" TRAILER IS GOING TO PUT A RED, SPIKEY HEEL IN YOUR EYEBALL.

AND FINALLY, BRITNEY SPEARS STILL HATES HER BABY.

That's it. It's a slow one. Tune in on humpday for another rousing page of news with pithy headlines.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 05-13 thru 15-06

2006-05-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hope you had a good weekend. Some of The Sheep staff went to see Poseidon at the IMAX on Saturday, only to have it blow up (the film, not the boat) 15 minutes into the film. No wonder it didn't reach number 1 this weekend. Nobody could see it.

First, a poster. YAY!

Now, the NEWS:

"MI:3" CONTINUES TO KICK THE ASS OF THE BOX OFFICE, MAKES THE SINKING SHIP SINK A LITTLE QUICKER.

GREAT WEEK FOR THINGS NOT TO MISS: "THE DA VINCI CODE", THE LAST "WILL & GRACE", "THE PRODUCERS" ON DVD, AND SOME BOOK.

DEAD: INVASION, FREDDIE, HOPE & FAITH, CONVICTION, TEACHERS. BACK: THE O.C., WHAT ABOUT BRIAN, THE LOOP, THE WAR AT HOME &....7TH HEAVEN?!?

REAL EVIL PRESIDENT TO PRE-EMPT FAKE EVIL PRESIDENT, PRISONERS BREAKING AND OTHER STUFF ON FOX TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHO THERE AREN'T ENOUGH NEWS STORIES ABOUT? THE GUZMAN, THAT'S WHO. KRAK-A-LACKA!

GUNS N' ROSES PLAYS NEW YORK, SWEARS ALBUM WILL COME OUT THIS YEAR. WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S THE COLLECTIVE SOUND OF NOONE HOLDING THEIR BREATH.

WOLVERVINE TALKS "WOLVERINE"!

AND ON THAT NOTE, PLENTY OF "X3" PICS TO CONTINUE MAKING YOUR HARD DRIVES BOIL.

TRIO CONTINUES TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH WITH "BRILLIANT BUT CANCELLED". BAM!

YOU SAID THOSE MOVIES COST HOW MUCH?!?

HERE'S A HEADLINE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE, BUT WAS PRETTY SURE I NEVER COULD IN A THOUSAND YEARS: RAPPER DMX PULLS A HOWIE DAY AND GETS ARRESTED ON A PLANE, GETS HIS MADRIGALS IN A BUNCH UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE!

That's it. Peace OUT.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 5-9 thru 5-12

2006-05-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to The Sheep!

Now, coming at you fast and loose, just like you like your women...THE NEWS:

7 MINUTES OF "X3" AT DELL!

NEW "MIAMI VICE" TRAILER!

CLIP FROM "SNAKES ON A PLANE"!

7 MINUTES OF THOMAS JANE'S "MUTANT CHRONICLES"!

NEW "LADY IN THE WATER" TRAILER!

NEW "CARS" TRAILER!

NEW CLIP FROM "ROCKY BALBOA"!

"SUPERMAN RETURNS" T.V. SPOT VIA AICN!

HBO KILLS "DEADWOOD"!

"DONNIE DARKO"'S RICHARD KELLY CAN'T FLY IN THE U.S. BECAUSE, LIKE A GIRL I KNOW WITH THE SAME LAST NAME, HE'S ON THE TERRORIST WATCH LIST! SCREW YOUR "SOUTHLAND TALES" FILM PREMIERE! ARE THOSE MATCHES IN YOUR SHOES?!?

TYRESE GIBSON & RACHAEL TAYLOR JOIN THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT IF THE MOVIE HAS A FAST CAR IN IT, TYRESE IS THERE! (EVEN IF THE CAR IS A ROBOT IN DISGUISE).

"WILL & GRACE" HITS THE SKIDS, FINALLY.

DARK HORIZONS HAS A CRAZY-ASS ROUND-UP OF CLIPS AND POSTERS AND TRAILERS RIGHT HERE!

"MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE" AND "THAT 70'S SHOW" CALL IT QUITS...NOW IF WE COULD ONLY ELIMINATE THEM FROM SYNDICATION.

ALI LARTER JOINS THE CAST OF "RESIDENT EVIL 3". JUST WHAT THAT FRANCHISE NEEDED TO CONTINUE ITS PATH DOWN THE ROAD OF MEDIOCRITY.

IT'S REALLY TRUE: FUEL OFFERS "IDOL" LOSER A JOB AS THEIR NEW SINGER. NOW REPORT YET ON WHETHER HE WANTS TO TAKE THE PAY CUT. OR: FUEL'S LEAD SINGER HATES FINDING OUT ABOUT SHIT LIKE THAT FROM "EXTRA".

Have a good weekend.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 5-9-06

2006-05-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Toosday noos:

"RESERVOIR DOGS: THE VIDEO GAME". CUT OFF EARS, DRENCH COPS IN GASOLINE, GET BACK ON THE TRACK WITH YOUR LITTLE GREEN BAG.

WARCRAFT. MOVIE. 'NUFF. SAID.

ADVICE FROM A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL ON HOW TO MAKE A MOVIE. SPECIFICALLY, A ZOMBIE MOVIE. NOT SURPRISINGLY, SHE KNOWS MORE THAN YOU DO.

AS IF KI-EFFER DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO DO, NOW THEY'VE MADE A DOC OF THAT BAND HE PROMOTES. SEE JACK BAUER IN ALL OF HIS SMOKIN', CUSSIN', TATTOO'D GLORY!

FOR A SERIES-ENDING, SPOILER-FILLED ROMP THROUGH "7TH HEAVEN", PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CLICK THIS LINK AND WISH YOU HADN'T.

FOLLOW-UP: "WRONG TURN 2" ISN'T A SEQUEL, BUT RATHER, A PREQUEL. AND IT STARS HENRY ROLLINS. THERE. NOW WON'T YOU SLEEP BETTER?

REBECCA LETTUCE-NOT-STAMOS-ANYMORE-JUST-LETTUCE TALKS ABOUT BEING A PEPPER. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE A PEPPER, TOO? OR AT LEAST "MYSTIQUE"?

JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDED...ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT A TALKING CAR. "KNIGHT RIDER" SAVES THE WORLD!

ELI ROTH TALKS "STEPHEN KING'S CELL". THE CONSTABLE WAITS WITH BATED BREATH.

ZACK MORRIS HAS A KID, NO WORD YET ON HOW MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE SLATER. KELLY KAPOWSKI UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT, JESSIE SPANO STILL STRIPPING. SUCK IT, PREPPIE.

That's it. Tune in tomorrow for more news and the most kick-ass Da Vinci poster yet!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 5-4 thru 5-8-06

2006-05-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

New computers are on the way...or so we've been told. Hope you had a good weekend, and are back in the old grind. But hey, what would Monday be without the NEWS:

YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT, IS TO ACTUALLY GO SEE "MI:3" 'CAUSE NOBODY ELSE DID. AND BY "NOBODY" I MEAN, "NOT AS MANY PEOPLE AS WENT TO SEE 'MI:2'". CRUISE QUOTED AS SAYING "DID I GET SOME BAD PRESS OR SOMETHING?". DISAPPOINTING.

AXL ROSE, NOTORIOUS LIAR, SAYS NEW "GUNS-N-ROSES" ALBUM COMING OUT IN THE FALL. DO PEOPLE REALLY CARE ANYMORE? THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN RELEVANT 10 YEARS AGO...BUT NOW?

"CASINO ROYALE" TEASER SITE HIT THE GLORIOUS INTARWUB.

AS IF HE HAS ANY BRAIN LEFT, KEITH RICHARDS HAS SURGERY ON IT.

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW, THE "24" MOVIE WON'T BE IN REAL TIME. BUT IT WILL BE OVER THE POND.

"THE PRISONER" GETS THE BRITTISH REMAKE TREATMENT. PREPARE TO BE CHASED BY BEACH BALLS.

ADAM SANDLER'S WIFE POOPS OUT A LITTLE HAPPY MADISON!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT CHRIS TUCKER WAS DEAD...."RUSH HOUR 3"!

DIDN'T GET ENOUGH "WRONG TURN"? TASTE THE SEQUEL!

"SAW III WITH A VENGENCE" STARTS SHOOTING NEXT WEEK WITH TOBIN BELL, SHAWNEE SMITH, ANGUS MACFAYDEN AND BAHAR SOOMEKH. HERE'S THE SITE!

DOCU-BIO OF CRAZY GUY TO COME OUT SOON. WHICH CRAZY GUY? WHY, DENNIS HOPPER, OF COURSE!

"FANTASTIC FOUR 2" TAKES ONE STEP CLOSER TO SILVER SURFING THROUGH THE GALACTUS.

"THE HITCHER" STOPS BY "ONE TREE HILL" FOR SOME BUSH.

AS IF THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE HADN'T CAST ENOUGH PEOPLE, HERE'S MORE!

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST: TORI "MAD MONSTER" SPELLING GETS HITCHED AGAIN! OR: ANOTHER DUDE FINDS HIS GET RICH QUICK SCHEME!

AND FINALLY, THEY HAVE DECIDED TO COMBINE "STAR WARS" AND "LORD OF THE RINGS", IN ORDER TO MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR LOWLY NERDS WORLDWIDE. AND BY "THEY", I MEAN "THE KING NERDS OF NERDOPOLIS".

That's it, folks. Couple days off and there's not much to report.
Refresh. Leave a comment. Write a story. DO SOMETHING!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 04-30 thru 05-03-06

2006-05-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry for no news the past two days, The Sheep is run by Immigrants. So, you get this as your reward for coming back.

Super Humpday News, GO!

OMFG! IS THAT A SENTINEL!?!?!? HUGH JACKMAN GIVES UP THE GOODS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW! MAYBE "X3" WON'T SUCK AFTER ALL!

NEW "PotC 2" TRAILER HITS! DEPP! FISH-FACED PEOPLE! A DERISIVE SMELL OF TUNA!

BOND. JAMES BOND. SWEET TEASER. NOW IN ENGLISH!

"SUPERMAN RETURNS" HAS A TRAILER! WITH DIALOGUE! PROVING THAT BRYAN SINGER HAS MADE A CAMPY 80'S SUPERMAN MOVIE WITH SWEET SPECIAL EFFECTS! GRATS!

JAN DE BONT SUCKS. HARD. WITH AN OFFICIAL SEQUEL TO "DRACULA".

WE THINK IT'S TIME FOR SOME "SOUTHLAND TALES" PICS! SO DOES JOBLO.COM!

BRENDAN FRASER HAS A SPAWN, SPURS RUMORS OF "LITTLE ENCINO MAN".

A LIVE ACTION "JETSONS" MOVIE? DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM "THE FLINTSTONES?"

WHAT DO THE WEINSTEINS HAVE IN STORE FOR THE FILM-GOERS THIS SUMMER? WHY "CLERKS 2" AND "DEAD OR ALIVE" OF COURSE! LET THE JAY & SILENT BOB REFERENCES BEGIN! SNOOGINS!

NOT ENOUGH CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER? HOW ABOUT A REVAMP OF "NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS" IN GLORIOUS 3-D?!?

"MAGNETO" MOVIE TO BE A PREQUEL, WITH IAN PLAYING HIMSELF COMPUTERLY YOUNG. BONG!

NOT ENOUGH OCEAN MONSTER MOVIES? TRY NEW LINE'S "20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA"!

NOT ENOUGH HEADLINES STARTING WITH "NOT ENOUGH..."? HOW ABOUT "NOT ENOUGH HUGH GRANT IN 'OCEAN'S 13'? JUST WAIT!" SUCK IT.

THE FAV HITS MYSPACE WITH "IRONMAN" UPDATES!

MAYBE THEY'LL WISH WE WERE DEAD, BUT DO US A FAVOR...IF YOU'RE ON "THE SOPRANOS" YOU'RE NOT REALLY A GANGSTER! STOP DOING STUPID SHIT!

WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU "BEVERLY HILLS COP 4"? WOULD YOU STILL WISH WE WERE DEAD?

AFFLECK TO PLAY THE NEW STAR TREK HERO? KIRK? SOMEONE ELSE? MAYBE THEY CAN GET DAMON TO PLAY "BONES" MCCOY! OOOOH, AND KEVIN SMITH COULD DIRECT IT, WITH J. J. ABRAMS PRODUCING, FROM A SCRIPT BY JOSS WHEDON! SNOOTCHIE-BOOTCHIES!

QUOTH MSNBC, ON PEARL JAM'S NEW RECORD: "AGGRESSIVE START GIVES WAY TO CLASSIC ROCK CLICHES AND WEAK LYRICS". WHAT? YOU MEAN WEAK LIKE JAMES BLUNT OR WEAK LIKE MADONNA? EITHER WAY, SOUNDS LIKE PLATINUM TO US.

"RED SONYA" GETS NEW BOOBS... I MEAN...A NEW MOVIE DEAL. NO WORD YET ON WHETHER BRIGITTE, ARNOLD OR EVEN FLAVOR FLAV WILL GET THE CALL.

AND FINALLY, IN A STUNNING BIT OF NEWS, WASHED UP "98 DEGREES" MEMBER JEFF TIMMONS IS ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING, CAN'T SING HIS WAY OUT OF PAYING BAIL, BUT CAN A REALITY SERIES BE FAR BEHIND? MAYBE HE SHOULD START BANGING ONE OF THE TALENTLESS SIMPSON HORSES.

There's your catch-up. Enjoy.
Don't forget to refresh, visit our friends, and leave a comment.
Send us a review!
Do SOMETHING!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-28-06

2006-04-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! Reviews of Talladega Nights & The Break-up are pending.

And now, the news:

UMA IS ON OF OUR EX-GIRLFRIENDS, TOO, BUT SHE WASN'T REALLY "SUPER".

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, A BUNCH OF SHOWS ARE CALLING IT QUITS. WE AT THE SHEEP SAY "DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS WHEN YOU LEAVE". OTHERS SAYS, "AWWWW, WE'LL MISS YOU".

IN OTHER NEWS, ALL THREE "LAW & ORDER" SHOWS GET PICKED UP FOR NEW SEASONS, CONTINUING THE TRADITION OF SHOWING THE POLICE AS LIARS WHO WILL DO ANYTHING TO PUT SOMEONE IN JAIL, GUILTY OR NOT.

HOW 'BOUT A TEASER FOR "THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD"? OR AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT, "TAoJJbtCRF"? L337!

THE MIGHTY THOR GETS TO DROP HIS HAMMER ON CELLULOID!

MISSING DUDES SHOVING METAL UP THEIR BUTTS AND HURTING THEMSELVES? WAIT ONLY A BIT LONGER FOR JACKASS: NUMBER 2.

REMEMBER "STRANGERS WITH CANDY"? AMY SEDARIS HOPES YOU DO, SO HERE'S A TRAILER FOR THE PREQUEL MOVIE.

"HULK 2" VS. "THE ABOMINATION" TO SEE WHO CARES THE LEAST.

NOT ONLY WILL THE ASGARDIAN GOD GET A MOVIE, BUT JOHNNY F. GETS "IRON MAN", "CAPTAIN AMERICA" & "NICK FURY" GET WRITERS, JUMP ON THE MARVEL TRAIN.

AND FINALLY, JUST IN TIME TO REALLY AMP UP BOX OFFICE SALES FOR "THE DA VINCI CODE", HERE COMES THE VATICAN!! YOU'D THINK THE CATHOLICS WOULD HAVE ALREADY FIGURED OUT THAT "BOYCOTTING" = "HUGE REVENUE FOR WHATEVER IS BEING BOYCOTTED", BUT THEN AGAIN, THEY ALSO THINK GOD TALKS TO THE POPE.

Nothing brings the funny like blasphemy! Have a great weekend! Go see some movies, would ya?!?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-27-06

2006-04-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight The Sheep sees THE BREAK-UP. Will we be broken up by the ha-ha's?

Who cares. Here's the news:

TO START THE DAY, THE SHEEP GIVES YOU VIKINGS!

MORE "SPIDEY 3" PICS. GOODNESS ME, IT'S AS IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY SHOOTING THE FILM NOW!

OPIE TALKS "DA VINCI" AND HOW THE "CODE" SIMPLY EQUALS HUGE AMOUNTS OF ONEYMAY IN HIS OCKETSPAY.

ALEC BALDWIN MENACES AN ACTRESS RIGHT OUT OF A BROADWAY PLAY, SAYS "YOU COME IN THIRD, YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED! THAT'S MY NAME!"

"BATTLESTAR GALACTICA" GETS THE SCI-FI PREQUEL TREATMENT. TEENAGE CYLONS REJOICE!

MSNBC LIKES TO THINK T.V. IS SMART ENOUGH TO HAVE UNREQUITED LOVE.

IT HAS TAKEN MANY YEARS FOR "ATLAS" TO FINALLY "SHRUG", BUT IT APPEARS THAT THE "SHRUGGING" MAY "ATLAS" MAKE IT TO THE BIG SCREEN. SORRY. IT'S EARLY.

CHUD REPORTS ON A REMAKE OF, IRONICALLY, C.H.U.D....

FROM OUR "BAD IDEA" DEPARTMENT, WES CRAVEN IS MAKING A SEQUEL TO HIS RETARDED MINERS EPIC "THE HILLS HAVE EYES".

IT'S THE "PERFECT TIME OF DAY" FOR PROBATION.

MIKE MEYERS IS GOING TO FIGHT ROBOTS, PROBABLY NOT DRESSED IN VELVET OR A FAT SUIT. PROBABLY NOT.

JERRY LEE LEWIS, STILL NOT DEAD, BRINGS OUT THE BIG GUNS FOR "REDEMPTION" DUE OUT IN SEPTEMBER, AND, FROM WHAT WE HEAR, HE STILL SCREWS HIS UNDER-AGE COUSINS.

It's Over!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-26-06

2006-04-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

No Billy Bob movie last night. Sometimes life gets in the way.

However, it didn't get in the way of the NEWS:

SICK OF NOT SEEING THE COVER OF QUENTIN TARANTINO'S SCRIPT FOR "DEATH PROOF"? YOU'RE WELCOME!

ACTUAL PICS OF THE WEBSLINGER IN CLEVELAND! MY LIFELONG DREAM OF SEEING TOBEY TIED TO A TRUCK AND DRAGGED DOWN THE STREET IS FINALLY COMING TO FRUITION! NOW, IF THEY COULD ONLY FIND A WAY TO GET KIRSTEN, TOO! (JUST KIDDING. WE LOVE TOBEY).

WILL SMITH BECOMES ANOTHER "LEGEND", WILL SOON MOVE ON TO EATING SOYLENT GREEN AND PARTING THE RED SEA.

JASON "REYNOLDS-STYLE" LEE TO VOICE "UNDERDOG" IN THE NEW FILM, VS. THE DINK!

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ CHOOSES JAIL OVER COMMUNITY SERVICE, IS STILL A BITCH.

SEAAAAAAAAN PEEEEEEENN! AND THE "ALL THE KING'S MEN" TRAILER.

COSTNER WANKS IT IN SCOTLAND!

FINCHER FINALLY TALKS "ZODIAC"...AND APPLE HAS A 4 MINUTE INTERVIEW. AW SHUCKS.

PROVING THAT BEING KNOCKED UP GETS HER MORE PRESS THAN HER SHITTY SINGING, BRITNEY SPEARS TAKES THE FEDERSEED AGAIN!

That'll do for today, I think.

Remember: Click. Refresh. Click. Refresh.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of The Sheep

Compiled News 04-25-06

2006-04-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

Saw TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY last night. You'll see it in August or something. I laughed 'til I cried. Expect a review sometime soon. Depending on whether AICN picks it up or not.

In the meantime, the news:

EVEN IF THIS IS THE FAKEST PICTURE EVER FAKED BY A FAKER, IT RULZ. JEDI SPIDEY!

OH. MAH. GAWD. OCEAN'S 13 PICKS UP PACINO!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AL!

BECAUSE IT F'N MATTERS, HERE ARE THE NOMINEES FOR THE 2006 MTV MOVIE AWARDS.

HAVEN'T HAD A "WHO WILL PLAY THE JOKER" FIX IN AWHILE? TRY THIS ONE!

J. J. ABRAMS POO-POOS THE STAR TREK RUMORS, ALTHOUGH, EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAID IS ACTUALLY ALL TRUE.

AUSTRALIANS, MAKING SURE EVERYONE KNOWS THEY'RE ALL STILL CRAZY, WANT TO MAKE AN "INXS" BIO-PIC STARRING JOHNNY DEPP. WHAT? WAS BO BICE NOT AVAILABLE?

That's really about it for today. We at The Sheep will be seeing SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS tonight, so we've got that going for us, too.

Check it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-22 & 23 & 24-06

2006-04-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hope you had a good weekend. That is all.

And now...the NEWS:

"WE ARE..." SNAPPY DRESSERS.

WHAT DOES UNIVERSAL HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU THIS SUMMER, BESIDES "MIAMI VICE", "THE BREAK-UP" & "THE FASTEST & THE FURIEST"? CHICKIE-CHECK IT OUT!

"SILENT HILL" COMES OUT ON TOP OF THE BOX OFFICE WEEKEND, AND "AMERICAN DREAMZ" FAILS MISERABLY!

IF YOU'RE MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT "UNITED 93", DON'T EXPECT TO NOT BE TREATED LIKE A TERRORIST.

AGENT SCULLY IS BACK ON THE MARKET! OR: TIRED OF NOT HAVING A CAREER ANYMORE, GILLIAN ANDERSON GETS DIVORCED.

INTERESTED IN SEEING SCRIPT REVIEWS OF UPCOMING BLOCKBUSTERS? CHECK OUT DARK HORIZONS FOR "AVP2", "IRON MAN" AND "CASINO ROYALE".

LEO DICAPRIO GETS HURT TRYING TO FIND TALENT IN AFRICA.

BULLOCK. REEVES. "LAKE HOUSE". TRAILER. TASTE THE ROMANCE. WHOA.

WALDEN MEDIA DECIDES TO BRING THE "NARNIA", HARDCORE.

GEORGE MICHAEL PLANS FIRST TOUR IN 15 YEARS, FINALLY READY TO GET BACK TO ALL OF THOSE BATHROOMS HE HASN'T BEEN ARRESTED IN YET.

That's it. Slow weekend. Got alot coming up this week. We here at The Sheep will be seeing Will Ferrell's TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY, Vince & Jennifer's THE BREAK-UP and Billy Bob's SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS this week. So expect reviews, unless something bad happens, like life.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-21-06

2006-04-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

Talk about TGIF. Here's the news:

WE START OFF WITH THE GOOD NEWS...J.J. FRICKIN' ABRAMS WILL BE TAKING OVER FRICKIN' "STAR TREK"!!!!!

AND NOW THE JUST AS IMPORTANT BAD NEWS...THE PALLADINO'S LEAVING THE "GILMORE GIRLS", FORCING THE SHOW INTO WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS "POST-SORKIN WEST WING MEDIOCRITY" STARTING NEXT SEASON ON THE "CW".

IGN TELLS YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT 25 DVDS THAT "NEED" SPECIAL EDITION RE-RELEASES.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK THE NEW "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE WILL BE ALL ABOUT ROBOTS, THEY GO AND CAST A BUNCH OF HUMANS TO BE IN IT. IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!?

SICK OF UNDERSTANDING YOUR RADIO HOSTS ON XM RADIO? REVEL IN THE FACT THAT NOW BOB DYLAN WILL HAVE HIS OWN SHOW STARTING MAY 3!

WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU THAT BY CLICKING THIS LINK YOU COULD SEE SALMA HAYEK AND PENELOPE CRUZ IN LINGERIE? SOME PEOPLE DON'T EVEN NEED AN EXCUSE TO SEE THE NEW "BANDIDAS" TRAILER. EITHER WAY, IT'S TRUE.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK THAT "DIAMOND DAVE" FINALLY GOT SOMETHING RIGHT, HE DIDN'T. NO MO RADIO SHOW. IN OTHER NEWS, SAMMY HAGAR STILL MAKES MUSIC.

DON'T UNDERSTAND THE NEW "HD-DVD" VS. "BLU-RAY" VS. WHATEVER BLAH BLAH SYSTEMS? JOBLO.COM SETS YOU STRAIGHT. DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T HELP YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY.

AND FINALLY, WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A "WE'RE SORRY THIS SHOW SUCKED THE ENTIRE SUN OUT OF THE SKY", "CELEBRITY COOKING SHOWDOWN" HAS ALREADY BEEN CANNED. WE GUESS IT GOES TO SHOW THAT TOM ARNOLD STILL CAN'T CARRY A SHOW.

That's it. Have a great weekend. Watch some stuff. Go see SILENT HILL, AMERICAN DREAMZ and/or THE SENTINEL, or keep throwing money down Walt Disney's dead frozen throat with ICE AGE 2! DO SOMETHING!

Leave a comment. Refresh. Visit our friends on the right. Join our map. E-Mail us. Send us a reveiw. WRITE SOMETHING!

See you next week.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-20-06

2006-04-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, if it isn't another Thursday...

Guess what it's time for...

That's right...the news:

IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE WE HAD SOME "BIG BLUE BOYSCOUT" MOVIE PICS, SO TAKE A MOUTHFULL OF THESE!

NOT PLANNING ON WATCHING THE SERIES FINALE OF "THAT 70'S SHOW"? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THERE WOULD BE A 7-MINUTE PREVIEW OF "X3" RIGHT BEFORE IT? YOU'D WATCH THAT AND THEN TURN AWAY? SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

THE GUARDIAN DID A LIST OF THE TOP 50 BOOK TO FILM ADAPTATIONS, BEGGING THE QUESTION: "WHAT'S A 'BOOK'?" THESE PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY EXPERTS, SINCE THEY DIDN'T INCLUDE "LORD OF THE RINGS" OR ANY OF THE POTTER MOVIES. GOOD THING "DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS" MADE THE LIST.

OH. MY. LORD. LOOK AT ALL THE MOVIE POSTERS FOR SALE. NOW!

REMEMBER "ROME" ON HBO? YEAH, WELL, WE TRIED TO FORGET TOO, BUT AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, THEY'RE ACTUALLY FILMING SEASON 2 SO THAT IT CAN AIR IN 2007. AIN'T THAT A PIP?

MICK JAGGER IN NEGOTIATIONS TO PLAY HIMSELF ON T.V. WHAT'S TO NEGOTIATE?

GOT ANY CHARACTERS ON T.V. THAT YOU'D LOVE TO KILL? THIS LADY DOES. CLIMB ON BOARD THE HATE TRAIN!

JOLIE GETS READY TO HAVE HER TOMB RAIDED AGAIN BY SOMEBODY OTHER THAN BRAD PITT.

YOU KNOW, WE WERE JUST THINKING...HOW COME "ELVIRA - MISTRESS OF THE DARK" DOESN'T HAVE A REALITY SHOW? SHE WILL? HOW MANY DECADES TOO LATE IS IT? SWEET!

WHAT'S PLAYING AT CANNES? WELL, WE'LL TELL YOU. MAKE WITH THE CLICKY. AND YES "THE DA VINCI CODE", "X3", "PAN'S LABYRINTH", & "SOUTHLAND TALES" ARE ALL PLAYING. NOW GO CRY ABOUT HOW YOU CAN'T BE THERE, AND HOW THE LIST IS SO "FRENCH".

GILBERT GOTTFRIED IS THE UN-SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, AND THE VOICE OF A PARROT.

"PANIC CHANNEL": ALL THE NAVARRO, NONE OF THE PERRY.

STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH TARANTINO'S AND RODRIGUEZ'S "GRINDHOUSE"? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE.

MADONNA, PROVING SHE "TOTALLY INDIE" WILL SING AT COACHELLA, CREATING SUCH A STIR THAT ALL THE LITTLE EMO BANDS LIKE "THE WHO CARES" AND THE "BLAH BLAH BLAHS" WILL HAVE TO CRY THEMSELVES TO SLEEP ON THEIR BIG PILLOWS OF ANGST.

That'll do for now. Enjoy the night. Tomorrow is the last day you'll have to say TGIF for another week, so be sure to use it all up.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-19-06

2006-04-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday, and you week wouldn't be half complete without the news:

BEST. VIDEO GAME. EVER.

BROOKE SHIELDS GIVES BIRTH TO DAUGHTER!!! PUT THAT IN YOUR SPACEMAN PIPE, TOMKAT!

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING WHY OUR TOP STORY WASN'T THAT KATIE HOLMES POOPED OUT A SURI WITH A FRINGE ON TOP, BUT, LIKE AN OSCAR, TOM WILL NEVER WIN A RACE WITH THE SHEEP.

NOT ENOUGH KI-EFFER SUTHERLAND IN YOUR MORNING DIET? TAKE A TASTE OF THE JOBLO.COM KIEFER QUIZ!

PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING, BRIAN GRAZER AND HIS WIFE SPLIT UP, SO HE CAN SPEND MORE "QUALITY TIME" WITH OPIE.

AICN'S GOT EXCLUSIVE CONCEPT ART FROM "PIRATES 2". REMEMBER? THAT'S ANOTHER MOVIE COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. I FORGET WHAT IT'S ABOUT, BUT IT COULD BE COOL. PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.

NEW SPRINGSTEEN TOUR WILL FEATURE 17-MEMBER BAN TO ROCK THE FOLKSY STADIUM SET.

SPEAKING OF EXCLUSIVES, CHECK OUT THE INTERNATIONAL X3 POSTER! NOT ONLY IS IT IN A LANGUAGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT IT'S GOT THE WHOLE GANG!

ROGER WATERS CONTINUES TO PLAY FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE.

PEOPLE SEEM SURPRISED THAT JULIA ROBERTS WILL MORE THAN LIKELY RETURN FOR "OCEAN'S 13". HORSE-FACED OR NOT, SHE KNOWS A GOOD DEAL WHEN SHE SEES ONE.

NEIL YOUNG'S NEW ALBUM TALKS ABOUT "IMPEACHING BUSH". YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST HIPPIES ANYMORE, CAN YOU?

ABBA MUSICAL COMES TO THE SCREEN, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT DANCING QUEENS NEVER GET TIRED....OF THEMSELVES.

FROM OUR BIN OF BAD IDEAS, IS THERE A "9 to 5" SEQUEL IN THE WORKS? WILL DOLLY PARTON FINALLY DO THE FULL FRONTAL YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED? WAIT AND SEE!

CHRISTOPHE GANS, THE DIRECTOR OF "SILENT HILL" PICKS THE SEVEN BEST HORROR MOVIES OF MODERN TIMES. SADLY, "DARK HARVEST" DIDN'T MAKE THE LIST.

AND ON THAT NOTE, ELI ROTH TALKS "HOSTEL 2: DIE HOSTELER" AND STEPHEN KING'S "CELL".

007 TO PLAY SATAN, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

EVER WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAMERO FROM "BETTER OFF DEAD"? WELL, THIS GUY HAS IT, AND HE IS FRIGHTENINGLY PROUD.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T MAKE IT, ALL OF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE: "SGT. ROCK: THE MOVIE"!

MICHAEL JACKSON, DRESSED AS WOMAN, WILL BE MAKING A NEW RECORD FOR A SHEIK IN BAHRAIN'S "MUSIC" LABEL. WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THAT IT WILL BE SUPER.

Whew. That's it. Maybe Thursday will have less crap. Geez.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-18-06

2006-04-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, it is. The news, you shall have.

RESERVOIR DOGS. IN 30 SECONDS. WITH BUNNIES.

SICK OF WORK? LET US HELP YOU. TRY THE "DA VINCI CODE" QUEST. IT'S A 24 DAY QUEST FOR BIG PRIZES, WITH NEW PUZZLES EVERY DAY, LEADING UP TO THE OPENING OF THE MOVIE. BUT YOU BETTER HURRY. YOU'RE ALREADY TWO DAYS BEHIND.

"DIE HARD" DIRECTOR PLEADS GUILTY IN PELLICANO WIRE TAP CASE, PUSHING HIM THAT MUCH FURTHER FROM MAKING "DIE HARD 4". THANKS ALOT, JUSTICE.

"SUPERMAN" GAME TO BE JUST AS BAD AS "SUPERMAN" MOVIE.

SOMEHOW MELISSA ETHERIDGE'S "PARTNER" IS KNOCKED UP WITH TWINS. I ALWAYS KNEW MELISSA WAS PACKIN'.

WOODY CUTS AND RUNS IN PARIS, HEADS BACK TO LONDON FOR MEDIOCRITY.

TEDDY GEIGER, NEW GUITAR PHENOM AT AGE 17, STANDS ON THE BRINK OF STARDOM. CURRENTLY, HE CAN BE FOUND FILED BETWEEN "ANOTHER SHITTY SINGER-SONGWRITER" AND "SOON TO BE HOOKED ON SKANKS AND SMACK".

ALICE, JILL VALENTINE AND THAT OTHER GUY ARE BACK TO KICK MORE ZOMBIE ASS IN "RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION", PROVING THE UMBRELLA CORPORATION ACTUALLY DID CREATE THIS MOVIE FRANCHISE.

BE SURE TO PUT THE FOLLOWING IN YOUR "SO F'N WHAT" PLANNER: THE OSCARS WILL MOVE BACK TO FEBRUARY IN 2007. IT'S JUST TOO BAD THAT CHANGING MONTHS DOESN'T MAKE THE MOVIES OR ACTING ANY BETTER.

That's about it. Not too much going on. Did you watch "24"? It's only the best show on television. What else? Nothing? Good. Leave a comment. Join the map. Send a review or an e-mail. You're already on the internet. The hard part's done for you dial-uppers without a dedicated T3 like we at The Sheep (wish we had).

Until Humpday,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-15 & 16 & 17-06

2006-04-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome back from a weekend of Christian Drunkeness and Jewish Passing Over. We hope you are all still plenty alive enough to read the news.

First:

APOCOLYPTO GETS MOVED TO THE HOLIDAYS, SO MEL & THE MAYANS CAN ENJOY THE FILM AT CHRISTMAS TIME! MAYANS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

OK, now that that's over, here's the rest of the news:

LET'S START OFF WITH A PIC OF THE NEW BOND BAD GUY, EH?

THEN FOLLOW IT UP WITH A TEASER FOR DISNEY'S "MEET THE ROBINSONS".

AND END WITH A BRIEF DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW "KUNG FU HUSTLE 2" IS BEING DELAYED BECAUSE STEPHEN CHOW WANTS TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.

SOMEONE HOLD ME! IT'S THE OFFICIAL "CLERKS 2" TRAILER!

HATE THE FCC? CHECK OUT THE UNCUT "BEDFORD DIARIES" ON THE WB!

NOW THAT THAT'S OVER, WHAT DOES AN EX-PRESIDENT DO WHEN HE LEAVES OFFICE? HE'S TO COLLEGE IN IRELAND, OF COURSE. I CAN SEE THE REALITY SHOW NOW.

BIG BAD OPUS DEI WANTS "DA VINCI CODE" DISCLAIMER, SICK OF PEOPLE THINKING THEY ARE POWER-HUNGRY RELIGIOUS SECT WHO ORDERS PEOPLE AROUND, MISSES IRONY OF SITUATION.

WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN A SOFIA COPPOLLA MOVIE STARRING KIRSTEN DUNST? PROBABLY NOT MUCH, BUT HERE ARE SOME PICTURES ANYWAY.

THINK YOU FIT THE BILL FOR THE "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE? WELL, HERE'S THE OPEN CASTING CALL FOR IT. DON'T SAY WE NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU.

I'M SURE IT'S BURNING IN YOUR MIND...HERE'S SOME DISH ON WHAT "SAW III: STILL SAWIN'" WILL BE ABOUT.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" KICKS BOX OFFICE ASS, WHILE "ICE AGE 2" CONTINUES RAKING IN BAJILLIONS OF DOLLARS. TRIPE WINS! TRIPE WINS!!

EAGER TO SEE THAT "JESSE JAMES" TRAILER WITH BRAD PITT? GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO WATCH THE 9/11 "UNITED 93" MOVIE THEN.

IGGY POP, NOT DEAD, IS MAKING NEW MUSIC AGAIN.

That's it! You're caught up! Brace yourself for another hour of "24" tonight!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

HAPPY ANNUAL HOLIDAY!

2006-04-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Passover! Merry Easter! KwanzaaEasterOverDay! Whatever!

Here's Looking At You, Kid. Beware the Wererabbit.

-The Sheep Staff

Compiled News 04-14-06

2006-04-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Here's to a Good Friday you won't soon forget!

And here's the news:

TITANIC 2!!!!!! CAN YOU SEE OUR TONGUE IN OUR CHEEK? BACK OFF!

AFRAID OF LITTLE BOYS WHO MIGHT BE THE ANTI-CHRIST? TRY IT WITH RUSSIAN SUBTITLES! CLICK ON ONE OF THE LINKS...IT'S BOUND TO BE A TRAILER.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" DIRECTOR TO MAKE SUPERHERO SPOOF, AS IF BRETT RATNER WASN'T DOING IT ANYWAY.

MSNBC GIVES YOU ITS TOP 10 MOVIE SPOOFS OF ALL TIME, AND THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING.

HOW ABOUT CONCEPT ART FOR "300", THE NEW FILM BASED ON A FRANK MILLER BOOK? FINE! HAVE IT!

EMINEM PAYS TRIBUTE TO HIS "BEST FRIEND". IN OTHER NEWS, EMINEM HAS A FRIEND. WELL, OK, HAD A FRIEND. WHATEVER. HE'S ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.

NEED INSIDE VIDEO FOOTAGE OF X3? NUDGE, NUDGE, SAY NO MORE!

BRIAN K. VAUGHAN GETS TO WRITE HIS OWN SCREENPLAY FOR THE "Y: THE LAST MAN" MOVIE, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS DAY IS WORTH LIVING AGAIN!

"SOUTH PARK" CONTINUES TO KICK RELIGIONS', COMEDY CENTRAL'S ITS OWN ASS.

That's it. Have a good weekend. Happy Easter or whatever farce you're worshipping.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 04-12 & 13-06

2006-04-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, it seems that the 'ole Sheep didn't want to update yesterday, so you get a heapin' helpin' of news TODAY!

R.I.P. JUNE POINTER. SHE'S NOW "JUMPING FOR LOVE" IN HEAVEN.

HOW ABOUT A SONY SUMMER PREVIEW? JOBLO.COM'S GOT THE HOOK-UP!

WANT A SUMMER PREVIEW OF FOX MOVIES? OK. SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST.

THE ONION GIVES US THE TOP 20 "STAR VEHICLE" FILMS THAT BLOW.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT DAVID BLAINE WAS DONE "MAGICALLY" TORTURING HIMSELF, HE'S GOING TO SLEEP WITH THE FISHES. SERIOUSLY.

CAPTAIN MARVEL GETS A MOVIE DIRECTED BY PETER SEGAL. SHAZAM!

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, "COMMANDER IN CHIEF" GETS ANOTHER YEAR. GEE, THANKS.

"SHAUN OF THE DEAD"'s "HOT FUZZ" GETS DISTRIBUTION! BRING IT TO A THEATRE NEAR ME!!

JUDAS PRIEST TO MAKE NOSTRADAMUS CONCEPT ALBUM...I GUESS THEY DIDN'T READ WHERE HE FORTOLD THAT IT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA.

ROBIN WILLIAMS WISHES HE WAS THE JOKER. AFTER "RV" HE MAY NEED ANOTHER PAYCHECK.

NOT CONTENT TO JUST SUCK MUSICALLY, DAVID LEE ROTH CONTINUES TO SUCK ON THE RADIO, TOO!

SIDESHOW COLLECTIBLES GIVES YOU A TASTE OF THE SYMBIOTE BEFORE 2007!

KEVIN SPACEY UNDER FIRE FOR LETTING ALTMAN STINK UP THE OLD VIC.

A BROKEN TOOTH AND PLENTY OF PISSY FANS LATER, "CASINO ROYALE" HAS FINISHED SHOOTING IN THE BAHAMAS.

ALICE IN CHAINS WILL TOUR EUROPE, NO WORD YET IF LAYNE STALEY'S CORPSE IS STILL ADDICTED TO HEROIN.

STILL AGAIN MORE X3 PICS. IT'S LIKE THE MOVIE IS COMING OUT IN A MONTH.

ORIGINAL CAST OF "RENT" TO PERFORM ONE SHOW ON BROADWAY, CONTINUE MILKING THAT AIDS-RIDDEN COW.

AFTER ONLY A YEAR OR SO ON THE SHELF, "ALL THE KING'S MEN" WILL BE RELEASED IN SEPTEMBER, GIVING ONLY A FEW MORE MONTHS TO WAIT FOR MORE SEAN PENN SUPER-EMOTING.

3 1/2 HOUR "LORD OF THE RINGS: THE MUSICAL" NOT TERRIBLE TO ANOTHER TOLKIEN, BUT "ASS-TERRIBLE" TO CRITICS.

FRED DURST DIRECTS A MOVIE NOT INVOLVING HIS PENIS.

That's it, for the love of the giant G.

Trickling Down Your Economics,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 4-11-06

2006-04-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

Super Tuesday, here on The Sheep.

OK, well, maybe just "Tuesday", but still...

Here's the not-much-news:

SINCE THERE'S NOT MUCH NEWS TODAY, HERE'S A PIC FROM SUPERHEROHYPE.COM TO CONTINUE YOUR X3 FETISH!

DISNEY & ABC TO OFFER FREE PRIMETIME SHOWS OVER THE INTERNET FOR 2 MONTHS, MAKING SURE "LOST" STILL DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, EVEN AFTER YOU WATCH IT TWICE.

HOT ON THE HEELS OF "BEERFEST", BROKEN LIZARD BECOME AMBULANCE CHASERS", AND AREN'T WE ALL, REALLY?

AS IF EMINEM DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS, RAPPER "PROOF" OF D12 IS SHOT TO DEATH OUTSIDE A NIGHTCLUB ON EIGHT MILE ROAD.

WHO BETTER TO RUIN THE ALREADY DOOMED "DALLAS" MOVIE THAN JESSICA SIMPSON AS "LUCY EWING"?

REALIZING SHE HASN'T BEEN AT THE TOP OF THE TABLOIDS, JLO SUES HER EX-HUSBAND, WAGS HER HUGE ASS.

LEWIS BLACK HATES CLOWNS AND YOU.

EVER SINCE I WAS A YOUNG BOY, I SPENT EVERY DIME I HAD, FROM SOHO DOWN TO BRIGHTON, I MUST'VE SPENT IT ALL...BUT I AIN'T SEEN NOTHING LIKE THIS, I'M MILDLY APPALLED...THE WHO IS REALEASING A NEW ALBUM IN JUNE. SUCK IT.

OFFICIAL SHEEP WARNING FOR "READERS"...LIBRARIES WILL SEND YOU TO COLLECTIONS IF YOU DON'T PAY YOUR OVERDUE FINES! DO PEOPLE STILL READ? IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? WHAT IF WE "BURN" THE BOOK? DOES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE? DO THEY STILL WANT IT BACK? CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER.

That's it. Nothing else going on. Pretty slow day here at The Sheep. Do you wish you were us?

Until Humpday,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 4-8 & 9 & 10-06

2006-04-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

Well, if it isn't another week. So much for the Gospel of Judas ruining everyone's life. Thanks, National Geographic. For nothing.

Here's the weekend round-up!

THE "SPIDER-MAN 3" TEASER SITE IS UP AT SONY, AND BOY IS THERE NOTHING MUCH THERE...BUT...NOW YOU HAVE THE SITE, AND WE'RE THE NEW BIG HERO IN TOWN.

AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, JOBLO.COM'S GOT SOME WALLPAPER OF THE WALLCRAWLER FOR YA!

STILL NOT ENOUGH? HOW ABOUT AN INTERVIEW WITH THOMAS HADEN CHURCH ABOUT SAM RAIMI AND BEING "THE SANDMAN"?!? GEEZ, PEOPLE, GET OFF OUR BACKS!

THREE MORE DAYS OF "24", AND THE KI-EFFER TOPS $40 MILLION BUCKS!

LIKE HIS PEERS 2PAC AND THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. BEFORE HIM, JOHNNY CASH KEEPS MAKING RECORDS, EVEN AFTER HE'S DEAD.

"ICE AGE 2" STILL KICKS THE NON-FROZEN ASS OF ALL THE FILM OPENERS THIS WEEKEND.

"HELLBOY 2 & 3"? "ABE SAPIEN" DUMPS THE DIRT ON WHAT'S COMING UP!

HOLLYWOOD BREAKS OUT THE FEEDING TUBE (OR TAKES IT AWAY...) FOR THE RIGHTS TO A TERRY SCHIAVO MOVIE! YES! SOMEBODY CALL CHARLIZE THERON!!

MEL BROOKS PREPARES TO BRING "YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN" TO BROADWAY, CONTINUE MAKING TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

"BUBBA SASQUATCH"? "BUBBA NOSFERATU" TO BE A PREQUEL? DOES GOD REALLY EXIST?

TWO WORDS: "BEAN TWO".

IF AN INSIDE LOOK (WITH SPOILERS) OF "SILENT HILL" IS SOMETHING YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, I SUGGEST CLICKING THIS LINK AND BASKING IN UNHOLY GLORY!

CHANCES ARE GOOD THAT THE "HEIST" AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

PROVING YET AGAIN THAT GWYNETH PALTROW & CHRIS MARTIN SHOULD STOP NAMING CHILDREN, GWYNETH GIVES BIRTH TO "MOSES", PARTING OF RED SEA TO FOLLOW AFTER 2 MORE COLDPLAY ALBUMS.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE A FILTHY RICH, RIDICULOUSLY POPULAR FEATURE FILM DIRECTOR? WHY, YOU GO INTO REALITY T.V., OF COURSE! PREPARE TO BE SPIELBERGARIZED!

JON HEDER DOESN'T WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF AS "NAPOLEAN DYNOMITE", DOESN'T REALIZE THAT'S WHERE HIS TALENT MAXES OUT.

RADIOHEAD PLANS NORTH AMERICAN TOUR, HOPES NORTH AMERICA STILL CARES.

READ A REVIEW OF THE NEXT GREAT SLASHER FILM "BEHIND THE MASK"!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY COULDN'T FIND ANY MORE BLACK GIRLS FOR THE FILM VERSION OF "DREAMGIRLS", THEY CAST JOHN LITHGOW!

That's it! Make us your homepage! Join our map! Visit our friends on the right! Leave a comment! Send us an e-mail! Do something with your life! See you tomorrow!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 4-7-06

2006-04-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

Beware the 7th of April... it could mean that The Sheep will have updated two days in a row! Great Scot!

When someone says "Great Scot", like anybody actually says "Great Scot" besides Superman and my father, who are they talking about? William Wallace? Johnny Walker?

Anyway, put the knife down...here's the news:

DAN BROWN IS NO THIEF! JUDGE REJECTS CLAIM OF "DA VINCI CODE" THEFT! BROWN CONTINUES TO SWIM IN MONEY BIN, A LITTLE MORE RELAXED THAN USUAL!

YOU HEARD IT HERE LAST! HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX WILL OPEN ON JULY 13TH, 2007! AND THE LAST BOOK COMES OUT THE SATURDAY BEFORE! HOW WILL THEY EVER MAKE ANY MONEY?!?

DEF LEPPARD'S FINALLY GOT AN "ALL COVERS" ALBUM COMING, AND THEY'RE GONNA TOUR THEIR SUGAR ON YOOOOOOU, IN THE NAME OF LOVE. AND WHO OPENS FOR THEM? WHY, JOURNEY, OF COURSE! BUT NO STEEEEEEEVE PERRY! :(

CHLOE O'BRIEN SMART-ASSES HER WAY ONTO THE "GILMORE GIRLS" SEASON FINALE!

WHEN ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER DOES "THE SOUND OF MUSIC" IN LONDON, ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN WILL COME. DANCE, MONKEY! DANCE!!

"TERMINATOR 4" GETS WRITERS, CONTINUES TO SQUEEZE THAT TURNIP FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. IS THIS BLOOD ON MY HANDS?!? GET ME A PENCIL!

GENE PITNEY DIES IN A TOWN WITHOUT PITY. R.I.P.

IN A STUNNING BIT OF NEWS, ANGELINA JOLIE IS IN TALKS FOR "OCEAN'S 13"! I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE THAT EVER HAPPENING IN MY ENTERTAINMENT WORLD! I MEAN, WHO DO YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH TO GET THAT JOB? OH YEAH... BRAD PITT.

LEIF GARRETT JAILED FOR DRUGS? NOT LEIF GARRETT! SURELY YOU JEST!

NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT'S COMING OUT IN THEATERS ON JULY 7TH OF THIS YEAR? HOW ABOUT TAKING A TASTE OF "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2: DEAD MAN'S CHEST"! POSTER GALORE TO FOLLOW THE CLICKY!

WHILE CHINA TELLS "THE ROLLING STONES" THAT THEY CAN'T SING 5 CERTAIN SONGS AT THEIR SHOW, THE CHINESE POPULACE, MUCH LIKE MYSELF, DOESN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE "THE ROLLING STONES" ENOUGH TO CARE.

WHO BETTER TO SELL THE STENCH OF MARIAH CAREY THAN ELIZABETH ARDEN?

IF MOVIE STUDIOS KNOW YOUR MOVIE SUCKS, THEY AREN'T GOING TO INVITE CRITICS TO SEE IT. HOWEVER, MOVIE STUDIOS ALSO CONTINUE TO NEVER HAVE MUCH OF A CLUE AS TO WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL PAY TO SEE, WHICH IS WHY TYLER PERRY MOVIES CAN STILL MAKE MONEY, AND GOOD MOVIES LIKE "SERENITY" GET SHIT-CANNED. THANKS, AMERICA.

BON JOVI BREAKS RICHIE SAMBORA'S ARM, AND THEY STILL TOUR WITH A HIT RECORD AND CURRENTLY A #3 SONG. "VAMPIRES: LOS MUERTOS" ASIDE, THESE PEOPLE CAN'T BE STOPPED!

That's it! As usual, we'll be off for the weekend. See ya Monday, suckers.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

WORSHIP US!

2006-04-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

We have returned from the depths of Hades, with nothing more than a cape and Mexican wrestling mask.

NACHO LIBRE

Prepare to continue your ritual of blindly following The Sheep over the cliff of awesome.

Follow DAMIEN to the news below.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 3-10-06 through 4-6-06

2006-04-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

We will now act like we weren't gone for a month. Thank you for playing along.

HEY! It's Thursday, and it's time for entertainment news with a bunch of wacky headlines! Wheeee!

Before we start, I just had to share this picture.

THE NEW OMEN IS COMING.

Here's the news:

TASTE THE NEW "CLERKS 2" TRAILER.

HOW ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PLOT OVERVIEW FOR "SPIDER-MAN 3"? IT'S NOT REALLY SPOILERY, BUT IT COULD ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE...WOULDN'T THAT BE A PIP?

JOHN CARPENTER TO DIRECT SEQUEL TO "FREDDY VS. JASON"? WHAAAAAAT? ROBERT "IDEA MAN!" ENGLUND IS QUITE THE TALKER, IT SEEMS.

EMINEM CONTINUES MAKING GOOD LIFE DECISIONS, PREPARES FOR 2ND DIVORCE FROM DEAR, SWEET KIM.

WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE "SNAKES ON A PLANE" TRAILER LOOKS LIKE? TOO BAD. BUT HERE'S A DESCRIPTION OF IT!

SPEAKING OF SAM JACKSON, HE AND JOHN CUSACK ARE IN STEPHEN KING'S "1408", PROBABLY NOT HOLDING BOOM BOXES OR EATING BIG KAHUNA BURGERS.

I GUESS "RICH" WILL CONTINUE TO BE THE CODEWORD FOR STEPHEN KING'S FAMILY, AS HIS SON SELLS HIS FIRST MOVIE RIGHTS TO A BOOK THAT WON'T BE OUT FOR A YEAR.

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY CONTINUES TO BANG AND THROW RINGS AT HIS CO-STARS ON THE WB!

HERE'S EVERYTHING YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE SIMPSONS MOVIE, 10 YEARS TOO LATE. (PROBABLY CONTAINS SPOILERS, BUT WILL THAT REALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?)

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN GETS 17TH HUGO NOMINATION, CONTINUES WRITING 3,000 PAGE BOOKS EVERY 3 or 4 YEARS.

HANK WILLIAMS, JR. CONTINUES BEING A CLASSY GUY WHO IS NEVER IN TROUBLE. JUST KIDDING.

THE "HOT FUZZ" BOYS KEEP MAKING VIDBLOGS, AND YOU NEED TO SEE THEM, BECAUSE IF NOTHING ELSE IN THIS LIFE IS TRUE, YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST "SHAUN OF THE DEAD" AND "ARTHUR DENT".

IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE THAT THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE A NEW "REMO WILLIAMS" MOVIE? AND DO THEY DARE MAKE IT WITHOUT FRED WARD? WILL IT REALLY BE DIRECTED BY ROBERT EVANS? CAN I STOP ASKING QUESTIONS NOW?

"DA VINCI CODE" SELLS BOATLOADS IN PAPERBACK, TOO, PROVING THAT, EVEN THOUGH EVERYBODY HAS READ IT ALREADY, THEY'LL READ IT AGAIN IF IT'S SOFTER.

FINALLY, EVEN MATT LEBLANC'S WIFE DOESN'T THINK HE'S FUNNY ANYMORE, PROVING THAT NO MATTER HOW RICH YOU ARE, YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. GUESS IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER "LOST IN SPACE".

"X3" CONTINUES TO GET CLOSER AND CLOSER, TAKING OVER MORE AND MORE OF YOUR TELEVISION, WHILE THEIR "RENT"-STYLE POSTERS BLOCK MY VIEW OF THE SMOG HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

"WHO WANTS TO BE ON THE TODAY SHOW" STARRING MEREDITH VIEIRA. QUESTIONS WILL INCLUDE "IS THIS REALLY HOW I BAKE A CAKE" AND "IS IT GOING TO RAIN, FATMAN?" THERE WILL BE NO FINAL ANSWERS. REGIS WILL BE FORCED TO DO BATTLE. THE END IS NEAR.

POOR FILTHY RICH ROBERT RODRIGUEZ & QUENTIN TARANTINO...THINGS ARE JUST NEVER EASY FOR THEM, HUH?

"MASTERS OF HORROR" JUST KEEPS GOING...AND GOING....AND GOING...

AS YOU ALL KNOW BY NOW, KATIE COURIC WILL BE HOSTING THE CBS DRIVE-AT-FIVE OR WHATEVER PEOPLE "IN-THE-KNOW" CALL THAT, BUT DID YOU KNOW THE MORE IMPORTANT STUFF, LIKE PARKER POSEY BEING ON "BOSTON LEGAL" FOR A MULTI-EPISODE ARC OR THAT CAMERON FRYE WAS GETTING HIS OWN SHOW CALLED "DRIVE" ON FOX AND THAT IT'S CREATED BY TIM MINEAR, ONE OF THE NOT-JOSS-WHEEDON GUYS WHAT BROUGHT US "FIREFLY" & "ANGEL"?!? HUH? DID YA?!?

"KING KONG" SETS DVD SALES RECORD FOR UNIVERSAL. NO SURPRISE SINCE IT BARELY MADE ITS MONEY BACK AT THE BOX OFFICE, EVERYBODY MUST'VE DONE THE SAME THING WE DID. "OOOH, THAT'S SOMETHING I'LL NEED TO SEE ON THE SMALL SCREEN!"

SPEAKING OF KICKING DVD SALES' ASS, "WALK THE LINE" SOLD $3 MILLION ON ITS FIRST DAY. NOW JUST "DO A SHOT OF COCAINE AND SHOOT YOUR WOMAN DOWN". (Don't really do that. You're not nearly cool enough).

AND, BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, "THE FAMILY STONE" COMES OUT ON DVD IN MAY.

EVERY TIME I ROLL OVER IN BED, DAKOTA ALWAYS SCREAMS ABOUT THIS MOVIE SHE'S WORKING ON. I MAY BE SICK, BUT I DON'T TALK TO SPIDERS. MAKE WITH THE CLICKY!

JESSICA SIMPSON COULD BE BRINGING HER VAPID TITTIES TO A BIG SCREEN VERSION OF "BAYWATCH".

FINALLY, SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME ABOUT SPIKE LEE. READ IT AND WEEP, FOUR-EYES!

AHHHH, FITTY CENT. HEY, SHORTIE, YOU'RE AN ACTOR, YOU'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE YOU'RE AN ACTOR...NOW YOU'RE STARRING WITH NIC COPPOLLA IN A PRISON BOXING MOVIE. GRATS.

SUGE KNIGHT AND DEATH ROW FILE CHAPTER 11, NO ONE LEFT TO KILL OR EXTORT, IT SEEMS.

THE OFFICIAL "AMERICAN DREAMZ" POSTER. I SAW THIS MOVIE ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO, AND I REVIEWED IT HERE AND FOR "AICN". IT'S A MOVIE YOU SHOULD SEE, BUT WE'VE ONLY GOT THE POSTER. SORRY, PIRATES.

"16 BLOCKS" SEQUEL? "DIE HARD 4"? BRUCE WILLIS WILLING TO MAKE ACTION MOVIES UNTIL HE CAN'T WALK ANYMORE. THANK YOU, JESUS.

PEOPLE IN NEW YORK ARE PUSSIES AFTER ALL! N.Y. THEATER PULLS TRAILER FOR "UNITED 93" MOVIE ABOUT 9/11! SWEET!

and finally....

WARREN BEATTY IS AWAITING A JUDGE'S RULING SO THAT HE CAN TRY TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE... BUT NOT JUST ANY MOVIE....A NEW "DICK TRACY" MOVIE!! BOOYAH!

OK, that's it. As always, thanks to all of our friends on the right. Be sure to check them out. We're back in business here, so keep checking back. Drop a line, leave a comment, put yourself on our map, tell your friends.

THE SHEEP IS RETURNED.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

EXCLUSIVE!

2006-03-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

First of all, please know that we're trying to get things back into a working order here.

Secondly, know that STEPHEN KING'S newest novel CELL has been optioned by DIMENSION. If you haven't read it yet, do it. It's his best book since Desperation & Bag of Bones. Just plain good fun.

And now, for what you've all been waiting for....

THE SHEEP'S EXCLUSIVE NUDE PIC OF JESSICA ALBA!

THAT'S RIGHT!

YEAH! WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!!

Suck on that, you pervs. Go back to watching "Into The Blue" and "Sin City" with a hand in your pants.

And yeah, we know it's not an exclusive. We stole it straight from MOVIEHOTTIES.COM, the sister site to JOBLO.COM.

Just like we also know you can take a joke.

Even if it's only with one hand.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News March 2 - 7

2006-03-07T11:31:00.000-08:00

Or something like that.

Anyhoo, here's the news:

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW "X3" TRAILER THAT PREMIERED DURING THE BEST SHOW ON T.V.

HOW ABOUT THE JAPANESE "MI:3" TRAILER?

OSCAR WINNER GEORGE CLOONEY IS READY FOR THE END OF GOVERNMENT & THE WORLD!

SPIELBERG TAKES A BREAK, WHILE MAKING "INDY 4" AND "HONEST ABE".

CHRISTOPHER REEVE'S WIFE DIED. R.I.P. DANA REEVE.

HOW DID JOHNNY STEW DO AS THE OSCAR HOST? JUST ASK TIME MAGAZINE.

That's all we have time for in this five-o'clock-world, so keep your face in the clouds and keep pooping....on the stars....

Here's to letting you down,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-27 & 28 March Frickin' 1st-06

2006-03-01T12:24:00.000-08:00

Happy March. Plagued by computer problems and illness, we at The Sheep continue to disappoint. Get it while you can.

I've also been entertaining producers and tech crew of C.S.I. for the last two days. Having 16+ (mostly bald-sorry guys) people running around your shop all day can be rather taxing on a sick fella with a silver tooth.

G'YAAAR.

Before the news:

R.I.P. DON KNOTTS

R.I.P. DARREN MCGAVIN

R.I.P. DENNIS WEAVER

And now, as promised, some news:

MAKERS OF "SHAUN OF THE DEAD" MAKE A NEW MOVIE WITH ALL SORTS OF SWEET PEOPLE, INCLUDING "SHAUN" AND "ARTHUR DENT"! WE LIKE TO CALL IT "HOT FUZZ"!!

IN WHAT MAY BE THE ODDEST BIT OF NEWS IN A LONG TIME, REESE WITHERSPOON IS NOW HOLLYWOOD'S HIGHEST PAID ACTRESS. YES, REESE WITHERSPOON. NOT ANY OTHER ACTRESS, BUT RATHER, REESE WITHERSPOON.

VINCE VAUGHN TO PLAY SANTA'S DOWN-AND-OUT BROTHER, "FRED CLAUS".

WHAT DO ROB LOWE, MARY LOUISE PARKER, ANNA DEAVERE SMITH, GARY COLE, TIM MATHESON, EMILY PROCTOR, MARLEE MATLIN, TIMOTHY BUSFIELD AND ANNABETH GISH ALL HAVE IN COMMON? THEY'RE ALL GOING BACK TO "THE WEST WING" FOR THE LAST FEW EPISODES!

WHAT'S BETTER THAN ONE KILLER CROC ON THE LOOSE MOVIE? HOW ABOUT TWO KILLER CROCS ON THE LOOSE MOVIES. YEP.

ITCHING IN YOUR BLUE TIGHTS FOR SOMETHING "SUPERMAN"? HERE'S A PEAK AT THE VIDEO GAME!

MORE LATER.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Friday-Spider-Man 3-What Else Do You Need?

2006-02-24T15:40:00.000-08:00

Here's the news today, you suckers:

And SONY says that it's not a black & white photo. SONY thinks they are clever. Can you taste the symbiote?

SUPERHERO HYPE
This link doesn't have spoilers, but if you want slapped in the boobs, here's a link to an AICN story:

AICN RUINS SPIDER-MAN 3

Follow the link, if you must, be beware of RIDICULOUS spoilers, if any of it is true.

But we love'em anyway, right?

Have a good weekend.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-17 thru 23-06

2006-02-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

We here at The Sheep hate computers, and we hate working for a living. There is nothing in the world like system failures and server mishaps. If we didn't know any better, we'd say that one day computers were going to take over the world, projecting a false reality in our minds while harvesting our bodies for fuel. Man. That would be a good movie. I hope they haven't made three of them yet.

Anyway, we apologize for the delay in news, but if you were smart, you went to all of our friends at the right and read it from them. If not, we'll catch you up and slap your fanny. Regardless, we have better headlines. Word to your mother.

Here's the old & new news, like you don't already know:

MARSHALL PLANE CRASH MOVIE GETS A BIT OF "GOOD LUCK". GIVE HIM AN OSCAR! ALSO, THE FILM IS CURRENTLY CALLED "WE ARE MARSHALL". GO HERD!

NATHAN FILLION TAKES YOU BEHIND THE SCENES OF "SLITHER"!

EVERYBODY IS HATING ON DANIEL CRAIG, SO NOT ONLY DOES HE GET HIS FRONT TEETH KNOCKED OUT, BUT HE CAN'T DRIVE A STICK, EITHER. SO, BY ALL RESPECTS... I CAN BE JAMES BOND! NICE!

VOTE FOR THE GOLDEN SCHMOES ON JOBLO.COM!

"FUN WITH DICK AND JANE" STEALS YOUR MONEY IN APRIL.

"WEDDING CRASHERS" DIRECTOR JUMPS SHIP ON GAY SANDLER MOVIE.

"THE FAMILY STONE" HITS DVD SHELVES AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S PURSE IN MAY.

PICS FROM "ERAGON", BECAUSE EVERYBODY WHO WRITES A CRAPPY FANTASY NOVEL SHOULD IMMEDIATELY HAVE IT MADE INTO A MOVIE....BUY MY BOOK!

ENTER INTO THE HOWARD STERN FILM FESTIVAL! I'M SURE IT'S GREAT!

"LONESOME JIM", THE STEVE BUSCEMI DIRECTED CASEY AFFLECK MOVIE HAS A POSTER. I SMELL OSCAR!

"A SCANNER DARKLY" POSTER & TRAILER, HAILING THE COMING OF ONE THIS YEAR'S BEST FILMS WE AT THE SHEEP HAVE ALREADY SEEN!

BIG NEWS FOR "PASSIONS" FANS...YES, I'M LOOKING AT YOU...JUSTIN HARTLEY IS THE NEW "AQUAMAN" IN THE CW (FORMERLY WB) SPIN-OFF FROM SMALLVILLE "MERCY REEF" (YES, THAT'S THE TITLE). ALSO, IT WILL HAVE VING RHAMES. OK, WE'RE SOLD.

FINALLY, "BATMAN 2" AND "SUPERMAN 2" ARE SET IN STONE AS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, AFTER THEIR DIRECTORS GET DONE MAKING OTHER, LESS IMPORTANT MOVIES.

NEW FRIDAY THE 13TH GETS A DIRECTOR.

JON STEWART PREPARES FOR THE OSCARS BY NOT PREPARING FOR THE OSCARS.

MARKY-MARK & ANTOINE FUQUA ARE MAKING A MOVIE, NO DOUBT FULL OF SOME HOW OSCAR-WORTHY STEREOTYPES LIKE "TRAINING DAY".

BAZ LUHRMANN TALKS ABOUT HIS NEXT "EPIC", WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE CALLED "WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S STRICTLY MOULIN". OR NOT.

MOVIE MOBSTER GETS HIT BY A BUS. R.I.P RICHARD BRIGHT.

AFTER NEARLY MINUTES OF PATIENT WAITING, THE "JURASSIC PARK 4" SCRIPT IS DONE. BE STILL MY SEQUEL HEART.

MICHAEL STIPE HATES WAR, PEOPLE, WILL HEADLINE CONCERT ABOUT IT.

MISCHA BARTON & SHIRLEY MACLAINE MAKE A WAR MOVIE, FULL OF LOVE, HOPE AND SHELL CASINGS.

ELTON JOHN AND CELINE DION SING TOGETHER FOR FIRST TIME, MAKE HURRICAN VICTIMS RICH.

ANNE HATHAWAY, FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS OF HER FIRST COMEDY "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN", IS FOLLOWING IT UP WITH "KNOCKED UP" BY THE GUY WHO DIRECTED "THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN". I SMELL OSCAR! WAIT, MAYBE THAT'S MY FEET. NEVERMIND.

JAMES MANGOLD, THE GUY WHAT DIRECTED "WALK THE LINE" IS DOING A RAILROAD MOVIE, NO WORD YET ON WHETHER JOHNNY CASH WILL WALK DOWN THE TRACK.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, PICS FROM "SCARY MOVIE 4"! OH...THAT WASN'T YOU? OH WELL.

DIDN'T GET ENOUGH "PIRATES..." POSTERS? WELL, FEAR NOT!

SPIELBERG FINALLY ADMITS HE'S MAKING "INDY 4" TO THE MEDIA! NO, NOT "MEDIA" LIKE US, BUT A "REAL" NEWSPAPER KIND OF MEDIA!

BRITNEY SPEARS READY TO FILL "LULL" IN POP MUSIC, KEEP ENDANGERING HER CHILD, BUYING 'LUDES FOR HER P.O.S. HUSBAND.

IF I WERE GOING TO MAKE GALACTUS FIGHT THE FANTASTIC FOUR, I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE KEANU REEVES BE THE SILVER SURFER. I MEAN, HELLO..."POINT BREAK"? ANYBODY? HELLOOOO? WHOA.

OBSCURE FAMILY THAT INSPIRED "THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY" SUFFERS LOSS OF LEAD SINGER, "COWSILLS" FANS EVERYWHERE RIOT.

"X-MEN" GRACE THE COVER OF EMPIRE MAGAZINE, TWO AT A TIME.

GUYS WHAT KILLED PRINCESS DIANA GET FINED A DOLLAR. OK, A "EURO", BUT STILL...

BIG FAN OF "LEBOWSKI"? GO TO A LEBOWSKIFEST, WHINER.

LENO APOLOGIZES TO MUDD GUY, GUY'S NAME STILL MUDD.

HERE'S YOUR FRENCH "BASIC INSTINCT 2" POSTER YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO SEE.

MARVEL'S GO TO GUY GOES TO WRITING THE SCRIPT FOR THE NEW "CAPTAIN AMERICA" MOVIE. IN OTHER NEWS, IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW, THERE'S GOING TO BE A "CAPTAIN AMERICA" MOVIE.

IN A STUNNING REVELATION, "NAKED CELEBRITIES" SELL MAGAZINES! WHO WOULDA' THUNK IT?

HERE'S AN UPDATE ON THAT ALL-IMPORTANT "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT FINALLY GET MADE. C'MON JOHN ROGERS & MICHAEL BAY...LET'S QUIT BULLSHITTING AND GET SOME ROBOTS IN DISGUISE, HUH?

JUST LIKE A BAD DRUG HABIT, WITH THE COMING OF A NEW SEASON OF "THE SOPRANOS" (3 YEARS LATER), THERE IS ALSO A POSTER WHERE EVERYBODY STANDS (OR SITS) AROUND LOOKING ALL EMOTIVE AND ANGRY. GRATS!

DON'T CALL LINDSAY LOHAN A "TEEN QUEEN"..."CRACKED-OUT, TALENTLESS SHE-BITCH", MAYBE, BUT NOT "TEEN QUEEN".

That's it, folks. Hope you're caught up. We'll see if we can get back on schedule for tomorrow, and then, after the weekend, hit it hard again on Monday.

Suck it,

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-16-06

2006-02-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

Since we are part of the liberal media, I would like to say:

"Here's the news!"

NERD'S OF THE WORLD UNITE! WARREN ELLIS & JOSS WHEDON GO 'ROUND 'N 'ROUND AT WARRENELLIS.COM!

A WEBSITE FOR "SNAKES ON A PLANE!", OR: A WEBSITE FOR THE BEST MOVIE EVER.

"DA VINCI CODE" PICS GALORE! GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!

GREAT NEW IMAGE FROM "SILENT HILL", 'CAUSE BLOOD IS GREAT AND SO ARE YOU!

WHEN MORGAN FREEMAN (OR, AS MY FRIEND'S GRANDMOTHER CALLS HIM, "DANNY GLOVER")WANTS TO BE THE DEVIL, YOU BETTER LISTEN.

DID WE SHOW YOU ALL OF THESE "X3" POSTERS YET AND MAKE A RENT JOKE? IF NOT, HERE THEY ARE. CLICK UNDERNEATH THE ORIGINAL TO SEE THE OTHERS. IT'S LIKE A SLIDE SHOW FROM 1990.

HOW ABOUT THE "10 GREATEST SCI-FI FILMS NEVER MADE"? YEAH, WE THOUGHT SO.

THEY FINALLY CAST THE BAD GUY IN "CASINO ROYALE" BUT THE "BOND GIRL" IS ONLY NARROWED DOWN TO 2 OR 3. GLAD THAT ROLE IS SOOOO IMPORTANT. THEY'VE BEEN FILMING FOR THREE WEEKS.

MORE RIDICULOUS "BATMAN BEGINS AGAIN" RUMORS!

5 BOURNE ADVENTURES? WILL MATT DAMON NEVER LEARN WHO HE IS? WILL HE KEEP CASHING THOSE FAT CHECKS? DAMN, GRRRL.

PROVING THAT NO MATTER HOW "IN SHAPE" YOU ARE, YOUR GUTS WILL STILL BUST. JUST ASK MADONNA.

AH THOSE FRENCH, ALWAYS GETTING THE BEST POSTERS...HERE'S THEIRS FOR "PIRATES 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO".

HEATH LEDGER SAYS "BROKEBACK" IS DOING BETTER THAN HE HOPED, PAUSES TO KISS A DUDE.

JOHN MICHAEL MONTGOMERY ARRESTED FOR DUI, FINALLY GETS SOME NEW SONG INSPIRATION...IN THE BUTT. JUST KIDDING. HE DIDN'T GET ANY NEW INSPIRATION. HE'LL STILL BE STEALING SONGS FROM "ALL-4-ONE", JUST DRUNKER.

That's it! Go Home! See you tomorrow!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-14 & 15-06

2006-02-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the day off, but I was out hunting with Citizen Dick Cheney, when all of a sudden that drunk S.O.B. turned on me with his shotgun and... forget it.

The Constable had to have emergency drilling done in his pie hole, and the drugs made the poor constable barf. I'm sure you wanted to know that, like we owe you an explanation. We're not the Vice President, after all.

The NEWS:

JEAN SMART OWNS "24", AND SHE AIN'T DONE YET.

JOSS WHEDON POO POOS THE NEW "FIREFLY SERIES ON THE CW" TALK, HOW ONLY HE CAN.

ON A BETTER NOTE, HOWEVER, IT LOOKS LIKE MAL & STARBUCK WILL TEAM-UP FOR "WHITE NOISE 2: FIREFLY GALACTICA".

GOSSETT'S "THE RED STAR" GETS HOOKED UP BY UNIVERSAL.

THAT GUY WHO DID A LOT OF ALIEN STUFF IS DEAD. ROMULAN...BABYLON 5ian...ONE-ARMED-MANian...FRIENDian.

IF YOU ARE A BAD GUY IN LOS ANGELES, YOU NEED TO FEAR THE HULK.

O'BRIEN GETS FINNISH, EATS CHOCOLATE, STROKES TROLLS.

THE 2006 SATURN AWARD NOMINATIONS ARE OUT! THINK SCI-FI, BATMAN!

DEMI MOORE IS STEALING MICHAEL CAINE'S FAMILY JEWELS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

EDDIE MURPHY IS MAKING ANOTHER SHITTY SCI-FI MOVIE, THOUGH THIS ONE ISN'T "PLUTO NASH 2", BUT RATHER "STARSHIP DAVE".

MICHAEL BAY'S "FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 11: PEARL HARBOR" IS FULL-STEAM AHEAD. AND WHY ISN'T TARANTINO DIRECTING THIS?

REMEMBER THAT BOLLYWOOD "FIGHT CLUB" WE WERE TALKING ABOUT OVER DINNER A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO? HERE'S THE TRAILER. PREPARE TO SING AND DANCE, DURDEN-STYLE.

WILLIE NELSON SINGS A GAY COWBOY SONG THAT ACTUALLY NOT FROM "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN".

PAMELA ANDERSON IS A NO-TALENT, RAGE-INDUCING WHORE, AND I HOPE SHE STAYS OUT OF KENTUCKY FOREVER....WAIT...OH, SHE REALLY IS? COOL. SCREW THE CHICKENS.

SOME PRISSY BITCH WHO HATES AMERICA AND CAN'T GET LAID IS TAKING THE WRITERS OF "FRIENDS" TO COURT.

"SWINGERS" BOYS TO GET THE SHIT SHINED OUT OF THEM IN ASPEN. YUK YUK YUK.

JUDGE JUDY IS 10 YEARS OLD AND SHE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 90.

That's it, land lubbers. Enjoy. See you tomorrow, whether I can talk or not.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-11 & 12 &13-06

2006-02-13T10:49:00.000-08:00

Did you have a great weekend? We did.

Just so you know, Gary Oldman & David Thewlis are still in negotiations to play Sirius Black & Prof. Lupin in "Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix". It's not 100% yet, but I wouldn't get your panties in too much of a bunch. They wouldn't even start shooting until the summer. So back up off it!

Here's the news:

THE BOX-OFFICE FEELS THE PINK OF THE PANTHER.

PETER BENCHLEY FINALLY GETS EATEN BY THE JAWS OF DEATH.

DISNEY MIGHT GO BACK TO MAKING GOOD CARTOONS!

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR WILL FARRELL'S NEW ONE: "TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY"!

UNCLE OWEN JOINS AUNT BERU IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY.

WONDERCON DAY 1 NEWS! STAR WARS, KEVIN SMITH, BRYAN SINGER!!

WONDERCON DAY 2 NEWS! MORE KEVIN SMITH, FRANK MILLER, SIN CITY 2!

WHAT WON'T TARANTINO DO FOR HIS ART?

CAPTAIN KIRK'S DVD CLUB WILL BRING YOU THE BEST OF THE BLAH IN SCI-FI!

RAMBO IV TO BE DIRECTED BY RAMBO, STARRING RAMBO. THE STALLONE TRAIN KEEPS ON ROLLIN'.

GWYNETH PALTROW SAYS SHE WON'T MAKE ANY MORE BIG BUDGET FILMS, STANDS QUIETLY FOR A MOMENT TO SEE IF ANYONE CARES. *CRICKETS*

IAN MCKELLEN HATES STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE "GILMORE GIRLS"?

That's about it for today.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, you schmucks. Don't forget it. There. You've been warned.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-10-06

2006-02-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

Ah, the last news of the week. I hope you get a heapin' helpin'.

The news:

TALADEGA NIGHTS TO PREVIEW IN FRONT OF FINAL DESTINATION, "SPIDER-MAN 3" TO TRAILER BEFORE "TALADEGA NIGHTS"! IT'S A VICIOUS WILL FARRELL-SAM RAIMI CIRCLE!

MICHAEL KEATON TO STAR IN RODRIGUEZ'S SECTION OF "GRINDHOUSE"?!? AND DANNY TREJO?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? I KNEW THERE WAS A GOD.

"SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGENCE" IS FINALLY ON THE WAY...HERE'S THE DIRTY BRIT TRAILER!

CHANCES ARE GOOD THAT THE LAST NETWORK "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT"(S) YOU'LL EVER SEE ARE ON TONIGHT!

BOLLYWOOD REMAKE OF "FIGHT CLUB" PROMISES THE "FULL SONG AND DANCE" APPROACH. TYLER DURDEN HATES YOU.

WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THE SCRIPT FOR "CASINO ROYALE"? HERE YA GO. DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T SPOIL YA.

VAL KILMER GETS INTO HIS "DARK MATTER" WITH MERYL STREEP.

JENNIFER BEALS GETS TO MUFF DIVE "THE GRUDGE 2".

ICE CUBE TO REMAKE "MR. BLANDINGS..." AS "ARE WE THERE YET 2: SERIOUSLY ARE WE THERE YET?". TWO CRAP FESTS MELDED INTO ONE. AIN'T AMERICA GRAND?

ONLY SIDNEY LUMET COULD PUT HAIR ON VIN DIESEL'S HEAD.

JOBLO.COM INTRODUCES "MOVIEHOTTIES.COM", WHERE ALL THE MOVIEHOTTIES GO!

AND THE UPCOMING FILM WITH THE MOST F-WORDS GOES TO "RUNNING SCARED" WITH PAUL WALKER! CLICKY THE CLIPY!

R.I.P. FRANK COVER, THE INTERRACIALLY MARRIED NEIGHBOR ON "THE JEFFERSONS".

WILLIE NELSON SWIMS IN DIESEL FUEL, TRIES TO SELL IT TO AMERICA.

CLARKSON SUBS "AMERICAN IDOL", CONTINUES BEING RICH LONG AFTER HER CONTRACT WITH THEM HAS RUN OUT. SORRY SIMON.

SCOTT STORCH, ANGRY PRODUCER, COMPLAINS ABOUT THE GRAMMYS, CONTINUES MAKING SHITTY HIP-HOP.

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, SCARLETT JOHANSSON & KEIRA KNIGHTLEY GET ALL NEKKID ON THE COVER OF VANITY FAIR, RACHAEL MCADAMS CONTINUES TO BE DEMURE. GUESS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE FAMOUS.

BRITNEY SPEARS IS A BAD MOTHER. AND THIS SURPRISES WHO, EXACTLY? SOME PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO STAY IN THE NEWS, EVEN IF IT MEANS KILLING BABIES.

That's it kids. You're all caught up. Thanks for stickin' in. Go visit our friends on the right. Leave us a comment or two. Go see something fun this weekend (like there are any good movies opening), and we'll see you on Monday with another healthy dose of THE SHEEP!

Oh, and the Olympics start tonight. Be sure to set your TiVos to "Who Cares".

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-4 & 5 & 6 & 7 & 8 & 9-06

2006-02-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

MR. ANDERSON! Welcome back.....

Sorry for the downtime folks, but we hope a picture from a Matrix movie makes you feel better. The Sheep might be a little buggy for the next few days, but luckily, if we get up the news today and tomorrow, we'll be rockin' like Dokken.

Thanks for taking the time to wait it out with us.

Here's the catch-up news...there's a lot, so tread heavily:

A CLIP FROM "THE DA VINCI CODE"!

THE GRAMMY RUN-DOWN, OR: U2 CAN DEFEAT KANYE WEST IF YOU'RE SLY LIKE A CLARKSON STONE...OR SOMETHING EQUALLY DULL.

BREAKING NEWS: SLY STONE IS ALIVE.

HARRISON FORD STANDS BEHIND THE FIREWALL, STILL DRUNK.

AL MICHAELS LEAVES "MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL" TO CALL PLAYS WITH MADDEN 2006 ON SUNDAY NIGHTS ON NBC.

LES PAUL AIN'T CURRENTLY ROCKIN' HARDCORE.

"FAMOUS" FAT ITALIAN TO SING AT WINTER OLYMPICS OPENING...AND NO, IT'S NOT BRANDO'S GHOST.

YOUR SOON TO BE EVERY-FEW-DAYS DOSE OF "X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND" PICS.

DAMON & AFFLECK TO RE-TEAM FOR A LAWYER MOVIE, AND WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THE CREDITS MATT DAMON HAS COMING OUT THIS YEAR?

PETER SAAAAARSSGAAAAAAARD TO BE IN THE FILM ADAPTATION OF CRAIG LUCAS' "SMALL TRAGEDY"!

GIMMIE BACK THE STEVE MARTIN I LOVE!

BAZ LUHRMANN'S NEW "EPIC" STARTS FILMING THIS YEAR. IT'S A WORLD WAR II ROMANCE...BUT DO THEY SING?!?

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS A "BAYWATCH" MOVIE.

ADAM SANDLER & KEVIN JAMES TO WEAVE A TALE THAT WILL ROCK THE VERY FOUNDATIONS OF AMERICA...OR, RATHER...THEY'RE GOING "BROKEBACK".

WANT ANOTHER PIC TO QUENCH YOUR APPETITE FOR DOPE SMOKING, CAT POOPING, HIPPIE COMICS-COME-TO-SCREEN LOVE? HERE'S A NEW "FABULOUS FURRY FREAK BROTHERS" STILL.

ELI ROTH TALKS "HOSTEL" UNCUT VERSION, LOCKS REPORTER IN A ROOM AND TORTURES HIM.

CONAN O'BRIAN IS GOIN' TA FINLAND!

TEN BEST T.V. ROMANCES, AS DECIDED BY PEOPLE AT THE ONION AV CLUB.

FOLLOW THAT WITH NBC'S "BEST & WORST T.V. COUPLES", AND YOU'VE GOT BLEEDING EYES FOR A WEEK.

"SUNNYVALE" WINS "GOLDEN GROUNDHOG". IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, CLICK THE LINK, SUCKER.

CASTING RUMOR, ESPECIALLY SOME ABOUT ANGELIA JOLIE PITT BEING "A DAME TO KILL FOR"!

MORE SPIDER-MAN 3 LIES THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A VENOM-STICK AT!

EDDIE IZZARD & MINNIE DRIVER GET THEIR OWN T.V. SHOW ON FX!! HOLY CRAP!!

"NACHO LIBRE" GETS A RIDICULOUS POSTER AND AN EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS TRAILER!

TIRED OF NOT HAVING A 14-DISC SET OF SUPERMAN MOVIES, INCLUDING THE OFTEN LIED ABOUT "DONNER CUT" OF "SUPERMAN 2"? WELL, WAIT JUST A LITTLE LONGER, AND YOU'LL GET IT ALL. WE PROMISE.

"SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE" AS IT WAS ORIGINALLY INTENDED. THIS MAKES US SMILE.

"BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN"...IS IT ART...OR AGENDA?

GRANDPA MUNSTER CLOSES HIS COFFIN FOR GOOD.

That's a pretty good recap. If we missed something important, and we're sure we did, leave a comment, or, if you work here, POST IT YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Yes, it's good to be back.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Unfortunate Downtime

2006-02-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

Due to computer problems both at work and at home, Celluloid Sheep will be down for several days as we address some connectivity issues.

Please continue to visit our friends on the sidebar at the right. They'll have everything you need, just without the pithy headlines.

Wish us luck, and don't take any wooden nickels.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-3-06

2006-02-03T10:32:00.000-08:00

It's FRIDAY! Here's the news:

HEATHER LOCLEAR & RICHIE SAMBORA FILE FOR DIVORCE, BON JOVI FINALLY GETS HIS MAN.

WONDERCON HITS SAN FRAN THIS WEEKEND, AND HERE'S THE PRESS RELEASE TO PROVE IT!

MADSEN THE INDY 4 DAMSEL?

AMANDA PEET JOINS AARON SORKIN'S NEW SHOW, PROBABLY WON'T SHOW HER TITTIES TO MATTHEW PERRY AGAIN. PROBABLY.

ALL SORTS OF CELEBRITIES CHIME IN ON WHO THEY THINK WILL WIN THE SUPERDY SUPERDY BOWL ON SUNDAY. SEEM LIKE 'DA STILLERS' ARE 'DA FAV'RIT'.

WHO PULLED AXE-FACE OUTTA THAT CAR CRASH LAST WEEK? WHY, WERNOR HERZOG, OF COURSE. NO GRIZZLY MEN CONTRIBUTED TO THIS HEADLINE.

NOT WANTING TO SUCK LIKE THE PREQUELS ANYMORE, "STAR WARS GALAXIES" REVAMPS TO BECOME MORE "STAR WARSY", CONTINUE TO FAIL AT BEING AS GOOD AS "WOW" OR "EVERQUEST". BUT IT'S STILL BETTER THAN "EQ2" RIGHT?

WHAT DOES NEW LINE HAVE COMING AT YOU IN 2006? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT. IF YOU DARE. WE DID. NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED.

THE CRUISER TAKES A WHACK AT THE SUPERBOWL ON SUNDAY WITH A BUNCH OF "MI:3" NONSENSE.

That's it. Have a good weekend. Watch the Superbowl, or don't. Go see some movies. Or don't. Count your chickens before they're hatched. DO SOMETHING, WON'T YOU?!?

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-2-06

2006-02-02T11:35:00.000-08:00

Thursday. The day that rent is due, and the Big Boss is broke as a joke. So, on that happy note, here's your news:

BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD GOES BLONDE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW, PREPARES TO TICKLE SPIDER-MAN'S BALLS!

REBECCA DE MORNAY & BETTY BUCKLEY TO GUEST ON "LAW & ORDER: SVU" THIS TUESDAY!

UMBRIDGE! TONKS! LUNA! ASSLOADS OF "HARRY POTTER 5" CASTING NEWS & PLOT ROUND-UP!

PRINCE CASPIAN, OR "NARNIA 2: STILL KICKING KING KONG ASS" SET FOR 2007 RELEASE.

TARANTINO & RODRIGUEZ CHANGE NAME OF MOVIE TO "GRIND", PREPARE FAKE TRAILERS.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" TRAILER, JUST BECAUSE.

NEW MOVIE POSTERS, MANY FROM FOREIGN LANDS.

EMMERICH SELLS HIS NEW BIG BUDGET CAVEMAN MOVIE TO WARNER BROTHERS.

NEWEST BOND CONQUEST COULD BE RACHEL MCADAMS OR THANDIE NEWTON...OR NO ONE, SINCE THEY'VE ALREADY STARTED SHOOTING.

WERE-RABBITS AND CLAYMATION HIT THE DVD STANDS ON FEBRUARY 7TH. THAT'S LIKE, NEXT TUESDAY, DUDE.

"FINAL FANTASY VII: ADVENT CHILDREN" MOVIE WILL COME OUT ON DVD LATER THIS YEAR. IN OTHER NEWS, THERE'S ANOTHER FINAL FANTASY MOVIE.

THE FILM OF FRANK MILLER'S "300" IS NEARING RELEASE!

FOX CONTINUES TO GREEN-LIGHT NEW SCI-FI SHOWS!

That'll do for now. One more day until the "weekend", and three days 'til the Superbowl. I think I'll tape the commericals, but not the game. I can't wait to hate them.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 2-1-06

2006-02-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

Welcome to February. Only 11 months until the Oscars. The heat is on.

Here's the news:

MATTHEW FOX TO PLAY RED DAWSON IN MARSHALL FOOTBALL MOVIE...CONTINUES MAKING STUFF THAT INVOLVES PLANE CRASHES.

TWO PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW HAVE BEEN CAST IN "HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX".

ALEX PROYAS TO DIRECT "IRON MAN"? COULD TONY STARK FLY INTO "DARK CITY" & DRINK WITH "THE CROW"?

CONTRASTING "24" MOVIE NEWS, AND BY "CONTRASTING" WE MEAN "DUMBASS".

THE WB DOES ITS BEST TO KILL "SUPERNATURAL" BY THROWING IT TO THURSDAYS, AND "EVERWOOD" FLOATS BACK TO MONDAYS.

LOOKING FOR THAT SWEET, SWEET "BREAK-UP" POSTER? NOW THE TABLOIDS CAN OFFICIALLY SAY THAT ANISTON & VAUGHN HAVE BEEN SEEN IN BED TOGETHER!

"NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD" AS PERFORMED BY BUNNIES. BUNNIES EAT BRAINS, TOO.

NO ONE HAS POWER LIKE "THE POWER OF THE DARK CRYSTAL"!

SARAH SILVERMAN BRINGS JESUS' MAGIC TO THE SMALL SCREEN, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT COMEDY CENTRAL WILL GIVE ANY COMEDIAN A JOB. JUST ASK CARLOS MENCIA...IT'S BEEN A WHOLE YEAR SINCE HE'S HAD TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE HOME DEPOT.

"SPIDER-MAN 3: THE GREAT SET-UP" CONTINUES.

THE COHEN BROTHERS ARE "COUNTRY" BOYS.

LIONSGATE GETS ANIMATED ABOUT MARVEL COMICS.

BONNAROO GETS IT RIGHT, WHERE COACHELLA GETS IT WRONG.

MAKING SURE IT'S LAST SEASON EATS SHIT, BRITNEY SPEARS WILL GUEST STAR ON "WILL & GRACE".

That's about enough for today. It's hump-day, so I don't want to tickle your naughties.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-31-06

2006-01-31T10:32:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the last day of January. Where does the time go?

It goes to the NEWS:

R.I.P. CORETTA SCOTT KING

OSCAR NOMINATIONS ANNOUNCED, AND "IT'S HARD OUT THERE FOR A PIMP"!

AND WHAT WOULD THE OSCAR NOMS BE WITHOUT FOLLOWING IT UP WITH "THE RAZZIE" NOMS? NOTHING, I'M TOLD. NOTHING. CHOOSE THE WORST OF 2005!

CLOONEY, WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO THE OSCARS, MAKES HISTORY.

OSCAR TREND CONTINUES TO BE TRENDY, SAYS SMART GUY.

THE COOLEST DISCUSSION YOU'LL READ ALL YEAR. A ROUNDTABLE WITH SPIELBERG, LEE, MILLER, HAGGIS & CLOONEY. GET ON IT.

READ THIS GUY'S COLUMN AT COMIC BOOK RESOURCES...HE SAYS THERESA RUSSELL IS PLAYING "THE BLACK CAT" IN "SPIDER-MAN 3". HOW MANY LOVE INTERESTS CAN POOR PETER PARKER HAVE IN ONE MOVIE? AND HOW MANY HEROES / VILLAINS CAN WE JAM INTO THIS THIRD EPIC?

GOLDEN GLOBES DECIDE TO ADD ANOTHER NOMINATION TO THEIR QUEST FOR MEDIOCRITY.

WHEN IN NEED OF A ROMANTIC COMEDY, PLEASE TURN YOUR ATTENTION TO DREW BARRYMORE & HUGH GRANT...AND THUS "MUSIC & LYRICS BY..." IS BORN.

JENNA ELFMAN MAKES TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO TELEVISION, CAN FINALLY EAT AGAIN. IT'S HARD BEING A SIT-AT-HOME AWESOME. IT'S MUCH BETTER TO BE AN AS-SEEN-ON-T.V.-AWESOME. AND YES, WE'VE JUST MADE AWESOME A NOUN.

DOES NO ONE BUT WE AT THE SHEEP FIND IT ODD THAT LINDSAY LOHAN WAS SHOWERING AT BRYAN ADAMS' HOUSE?

That's the brunt of it, folks. See you in February.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-28 & 29 &30-06

2006-01-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

So the SAGS are over, and the OSCARS will get announced tomorrow morning... I only have two things to say... I'm glad that nobody is giving a shit about A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE and WHY COULDN'T THEY PUT CHRIS PENN IN THE "THESE ARE THE DEAD ACTORS THIS YEAR" THING? If I was SEAN PENN, I'd mope about and be really moody.

Here's the news:

MARSHALL FOOTBALL MOVIE MAKES DARK HORIZONS, CONFIRMS MCG AS DIRECTOR, MACOGNAGOGNEY AS STAR.

MARSHALL FOOTBALL MOVIE ALSO MAKES JOBLO.

MARSHALL MOVIE ALSO MAKES MOVIEINSIDER.

PLAYWRIGHT WENDY WASSERSTEIN TAKES HER HEIDI CHRONICLES TO HEAVEN.

CRUISER GETS A RAZZIE NOD, ALONG WITH THESPIANS FARRELL & SCHNEIDER.

JUST JARED'S GOT THE FIRST "SPIDER-MAN 3" PRODUCTION SHOTS!

"BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2" MAKES STUPID MONEY, FOLLOWED BY "NANNY MCPHEE", AS JANUARY / FEBRUARY MOVIES CONTINUE TO SUCK.

SEQUEL NEWS ON "FANTASTIC FOUR", "INDY 4" AND "BATMAN 4"...ERR..."BATMAN BEGINS AGAIN" OR WHATEVER.

ANDY SERKIS JOINS THE STAR-STUDDED CHRIS NOLAN FLICK "THE PRESTIGE"!

GOT A HORROR SCRIPT? WANNA BE FAMOUS? CLICK HERE. SERIOUSLY.

RICHARD GERE AND HALLE BERRY ARE FULL OF PUDDING.

MULDER TO DIRECT "BUCKY F*CKING DENT".

NEW "FRIDAY THE 13TH" MOVIE COMING THIS OCTOBER. LOCK UP YOUR SLEEPING BAGS AND MACHETES.

JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED AND TEEN TITANS GET CANNED, CARTOON NETWORK HATES YOU.

"OMEN 666" TRAILER HITS, AND LITTLE KIDS EVERYWHERE GET A NEW HERO.

WES CRAVEN TALKS "RED EYE" SEQUEL, "RED EYE 2: THE SEARCH FOR MORE MONEY".

ANG LEE WINS FILMMAKER OF THE YEAR AWARD FOR "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" FROM THE DGA, CONTINUES KISSIN' DUDES WITH SHEEP.

GRAMMY AWARDS MAY OFFER NOMINATIONS TO OLD PEOPLE, BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE NEW MUSIC BLOWS.

AFTER MISSING BON JOVI, GOD TRIES TO TAKE OUT LIVE, BUT SWINGS & MISSES... IF I WERE A ROCK BAND, I DON'T THINK I'D FLY FOR AWHILE...NOBODY WANTS TO GET FAMOUS LIKE SKYNARD, AND GOD RARELY GETS STRIKE 3 CALLED.

That's it folks. Hope you had a good weekend. If not, I'm not losing sleep about it. Click. Refresh. Comment. Refresh. Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight. Refresh.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

SAG Award Winners

2006-01-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

KIEFER wins for "24"!!

Here's the rundown. And for all of you people with me here on the West Coast, I'm predicting the FUTURE!!!

2006 SAG AWARD WINNERS!

Goodnight, America.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-27-06

2006-01-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

Here's the last news you'll hear from us until Monday. Get it while you can. What? THE NEWS:

SOME GUY WITH THE SUSPICIOUS NAME OF "ACE UNDERHILL" WANTS TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY BRING "FIREFLY" BACK FOR A SECOND SEASON.

CHANDLER TO STAR IN SORKIN'S NEW SHOW!

AXE-FACE CRASHES HIS CAR, REPORTS THE SCENE TO "MY NAME IS EARL", WILL STILL WIN SAG AWARD ON SUNDAY.

ALIEN VS. PREDATOR 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.

EVEN THE SPANIARDS GET BETTER POSTERS THAN WE DO. HERE'S "PAN'S LABYRINTH".

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS ONLY A BARREN WENCH TO TOM CRUISE'S SEED, NICOLE KIDMAN BECOMES THE U.N. GOODWILL AMBASSADOR.

AHHH, JUST WHAT AMERICA NEEDED....YOUR MAN-PURSE IS SO BROKEBACK!

AMY SEDARIS, ALWAYS THE OPTIMIST, SAYS HER "STRANGERS WITH CANDY" MOVIE IS ACTUALLY COMING OUT IN JUNE.

"VENDETTA" GETS THE IMAX OPENING, AND YOU DON'T.

VAL KILMER JOINS DENZEL AND JESUS IN TONY SCOTT'S "DEJA VU", WEE-WEE, POO-POO.

THE WB IS GOING TO REMAKE "GASLIGHT", BECAUSE AMBIATIC 40'S MOVIE IN BLACK & WHITE NEED COLOR, DAMMIT! THEY NEED IT! COLOR IS THE NEW BLACK AND WHITE!

ROBIN WILLIAMS JOINS THE HAIRY CAST OF "NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM", PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT BEN STILLER CAN'T BE STOPPED FROM DRAGGING OTHERS DOWN WITH HIM.

"NARNIA" BLOWS THE DOORS OFF OF APRIL DVD SALES!

AVRIL LEVIGNE WANTS TO BE A MODEL -- NEXT STOP, AFTER SHE BUYS SOME.... "JUGGS".

That's it. Have a great weekend. Go see some movies. Tell a friend about this site. Make us your homepage. Refresh all the time. Leave a comment. Send us a review. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-26-06

2006-01-26T09:25:00.000-08:00

Thursday is YOUR news day:

COMIC BOOK SPIDER-MAN GETS NEW TONY STARK-DESIGNED COSTUME, FANBOYS & SPIDER-MAN PISSED.

"X-MEN: THE LAST STAND", THE THIRD IN THE "TRILOGY"....AND A "MAGNETO" MOVIE IN THE WORKS? QUOI?

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU'D GET THROUGH THE DAY WITHOUT SEEING BENICIO DEL TORO AS "CHE", YOU ARE THWARTED BY THE SHEEP AND LATINO REVIEW!

STEPHEN COLBERT CLEANSES OLD GLORY WITH TRUTHINESS.

WHAT SHOWS WILL MAKE THE CUT WHEN UPN & THE WB MERGE INTO "THE CW"?

KATIE HOLMES WILL BE NAKED AGAIN ON CELLULOID, BUT NOT WITHOUT AN IDIOTIC CASE OF WHODUNIT AND THANK YOU FOR SMOKING.

IF YOU THINK VINCENT D'ONOFRIO IS YOUR HOLLYWOOD TOY, "THINK AGAIN!" HE'S GOOD AT "CONNECTING THE DOTS".

IN A BOLD MOVE BY SOMEONE WHO HAS TO BE KOREAN, BRENDAN FRASER FINALLY GETS TO ACT AGAIN!

KEVIN SMITH GIVES YOU A RUNDOWN ON WHAT HE LIKED LAST YEAR, AND WHAT HE BOUGHT ON DVD, SO YOU CAN TRY TO KEEP UP.

FINALLY, SOME PICS FROM THE LEAST ANTICIPATED FILM OF 2006! "TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING".

MTV RESTRUCTURES, STILL WON'T PLAY MUSIC.

Go home! That's all there is to see here!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-25-06

2006-01-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

Your Humps, your humps, your lovely lady lumpsday news:

CHRIS PENN IS DEAD AT 40...OR 43...DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK. EITHER WAY, SEAN HAS ANOTHER REASON TO BE PISSY.

STEPHEN KING'S NEW BOOK "CELL" IS OUT, BUT BE SURE NOT TO USE YOUR CELLPHONE, YOU ZOMBIE FREAK.

DISNEY OFFICIALLY BUYS PIXAR, GETS STEVE JOBS ONE OF THOSE HATS WITH THE MOUSE EARS ON IT SO HE CAN SIT IN HIS MONEY BIN WITH IT ON.

"PRIEST" TO COME TO THE BIG SCREEN, MAKING ALL OF YOUR COMIC BOOK VAMPIREY-WESTERN DREAMS COME TRUE.

AMBER TAMBLYN FIGURES OUT SHE HAS A "GRUDGE"...."2"...."GRUDGE 2".

IN A SHOCKING REVEAL, K-FED'S RAP ALBUM IS "INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE"!

RAPPER "CASSIDY" GETS CONVICTED OF INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER...PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT YOU CAN'T SPELL MANSLAUGHTER WITHOUT LAUGHTER.

DON'T SCREW WITH JOE PESCI OR HE'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH.

MODEL SUES "SPAMALOT" FOR STEALING HER IMAGE, HAVING SENSE OF HUMOR.

OUT OF TALENTED PEOPLE TO GIVE STARS TO, "MOTLEY CRUE" GETS A STAR ON THE WALK OF FAME.

That's it! I swear it!

Rest in peace, Chris.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-24-06

2006-01-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

Toosday Noos:

NO SHIT! CBS & WARNER MERGE TO FORM "THE CW", UPN & THE WB TO GO OFF THE AIR IN SEPT. 2006!!

NEW LINE WANTS YOU TO SEE "FINAL DESTINATION 3" FOR FREE! THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS!

WILL STEVE JOBS BE THE NEW UNFROZEN CAVEMAN DISNEY?

THERESA RUSSELL GETS THE GREENLIGHT FOR "SPIDER-MAN 3", KICKING SAND IN YOUR EYE.

HUGH JACKMAN "PRESTIGE" PICS, THANKS TO "JUST JARED".

SAM RAIMI BUYS THE RIGHTS TO A VIDEO GAME YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED.

"DODGEBALL" DIRECTOR SET TO SCREW UP "MAGNUM P.I." MOVIE.

COOL QUAD POSTERS FOR "WALK THE LINE" AND "DATE MOVIE"!

THE LAST FIVE "SILENT HILL" POSTERS YOU'LL EVER SEE!

MEG RYAN CONTINUES TO DO STUPID STUFF, THIS TIME ADOPTING A KID FROM CHINA FOR NO REASON.

WOLE PARK, A GUY FROM MTV'S "UNDRESSED" IS A DRUNK DRIVER AGAIN. GRATS!

JUST WHAT THE HELL IS "ALTERNATIVE MUSIC" NOW, AND WHY IS THERE STILL A GRAMMY FOR IT?

GOD PUTS CURSE ON JASON LEE FOR BEING GREAT, HAVING FUNNY SHOW IN A YEAR FULL OF CRAP.

PARIS HILTON WON'T TAKE MONEY TO POSE FOR PLAYBOY, TOO BUSY GETTING NAKED FOR FREE.

Bong!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-21 & 22 & 23-06

2006-01-23T09:33:00.000-08:00

Welcome back to the work week. Here's the news:

EVEN GOD CAN'T KILL BON JOVI.

"THE WEST WING" GETS CANNED, "LAW & ORDER" MOVED TO TAKE ON "LOST", AND OTHER THINGS THAT MOST OF AMERICA, ACCORDING TO RATINGS, DON'T CARE ABOUT.

"UNDERWORLD 2" KICKS BOX OFFICE ASS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT "EVOLUTION" AND "HOODWINKED" HOLDS FAST AT NUMBER 2!

X3 PICTURES, WITH A LI'L LESS CONVERSATION, A LI'L MORE VINNIE JONES.

THE NAVY DOESN'T LIKE ANNAPOLIS EITHER.

STILL CARE ABOUT "STAR WARS"? I GUESS YOU COULD TRY TO DO THIS THING THEN.

"DEAD GUY" TAKES LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS.

JUDI DENCH APPROVES OF NEW JAMES BOND, AND, FRANKLY, IF SHE DOES, THEN YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR TALENTLESS MOUTH.

REALLY DIG THESE BAD DIRECT-TO-DVD PREQUELS TO GOOD MOVIES? TRY ON THE PREQUEL TO WALKEN'S "KING OF NEW YORK".

"THE DA VINCI CODE" OPENS CANNES. I STILL HATE THE FRENCH.

YOUR MONDAY JASON STATHAM FIX: THE DUNGEON SIEGE TRAILER.

"PENGUIN" DIRECTOR GOES AFTER FOXES NEXT.

"DREAMER", "GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'" & "CHICKEN LITTLE" ALL HIT DVD SHELVES IN MARCH ALONG WITH EVERY OTHER DAMN MOVIE I WANT TO BUY, BUT LUCKILY I DON'T WANT THOSE.

ONE THING THOSE "LOST" ACTORS FOUND IS A RAISE.

VOLDEMORT GOES BACK TO BROADWAY.

JANETTE CARTER, THE LAST OF THE CARTER FAMILY, DIES AT 82.

50 CENT, STILL A THIEF AFTER ALL THIS TIME.

That's it, folks. Enjoy the solitude of your lowly lives.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-20-06

2006-01-20T09:21:00.000-08:00

Have a good weekend. Here's the news:

IT'S PRETTY BAD WHEN SHOWTIME WON'T EVEN AIR YOUR EPISODE OF "MASTERS OF HORROR". SO MUCH FOR GIVING THESE GREAT HORROR DIRECTORS "CARTE BLANCHE" TO DO WHAT THEY WANT IN A MEDIUM CREATED ENTIRELY TO THIS TYPE OF THING. THEN AGAIN, NOTHING SAYS "PUBLICITY STUNT" LIKE SAYING "THIS THING IS TOO SHOCKING FOR PAY CABLE!!!"

GET YOUR VIDEO GAME MOVIE HAT BACK ON AND WATCH THE "SILENT HILL" TRAILER.

"DREAMGIRLS" HAS A TEASER ONLINE, AND EDDIE MURPHY IS STILL TOO HOT FOR THE HOTTUB.

VINNIE JONES SAYS HE'S SIGNED ON FOR X-MEN 4 & 5. IN OTHER NEWS, THERE WILL BE AN X-MEN 4 & 5.

DISNEY FIGURES THE BEST WAY TO NEGOTIATE WITH PIXAR IS TO BUY THEM.

MORE MOVIE RELEASE DATES GET SHOVED AROUND, INCLUDING THE ALL ELUSIVE ADAPTATION OF "DALLAS" THAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITHOUT A CAST.

THE REST OF JOBLO'S TOP 10 CRAZY EVIL BITCHES, COMPLETE WITH LEG-BREAKERS AND BUNNY COOKERS.

BEN STILLER HAS RE-TEAMED WITH THE MAKERS OF "DODGEBALL" FOR AN UNTITLED MOVIE, ONLY THE 12TH MOVIE HE'LL MAKE IN THE NEXT 3 YEARS.

BECAUSE HE'S BETTER THAN YOU, WILLIAM SHATNER GETS $25,000 FOR HIS KIDNEY STONE.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS, WRONG, SAYS THERE IS NO "SEINFELD" CURSE.

B.B. KING PLANS FAREWELL WORLD TOUR, 20 YEARS AFTER EVERYONE HAS ALREADY BID HIM FAREWELL.

"SUPERNATURAL" TO ADD FEMALE CHARACTER FOR SECOND HALF OF SHOW, WHICH PEOPLE WOULD ALREADY KNOW IF THEY WOULD JUST WATCH IT.

UPN CONTINUES TO PUSH THE ENVELOPE WITH BAD TELEVISION BY GIVING JOEY FATONE AND LANCE BASS THEIR OWN SHOW, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE TOO RICH & FAMOUS TO COMMENT.

R.I.P. Wilson Picket

2006-01-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

GOD SLOWS WILSON PICKET'S MUSTANG DOWN PERMANENTLY.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Spot News 1/19/06

2006-01-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

According to the following story, MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE, THAT 70'S SHOW and ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT are all being cancelled. There's still no word on whether anyone will pick up the latter...like SHOWTIME....which would be AWESOME.

Anyway, here:

FOX ENDS SHOWS, HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-19-06

2006-01-19T09:27:00.000-08:00

What day is it? THUMP DAY! Whatever. I saw Guy Ritchie's new movie REVOLVER last night. It doesn't come out until March or something on this shore, but when it does, see it. It's nothing like he's ever done before, and quite frankly, I think it's brilliant. After my mind stops swimming I'll write a review of it. It's really heavy in the vein of THE USUAL SUSPECTS and MEMENTO. Don't let the bad press fool you into believing it's a bad movie. It's no SWEPT AWAY 2. At all.

Anyway, here's the news:

HUGE SPIDER-MAN 3 NEWS EXCLUSIVE AT AICN! BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD TO PLAY GWEN FRICKIN' STACY IN THE NEW MOVIE! TWO MOVIES TOO LATE? HOW WILL IT WORK?!? WHO CARES?!? AND WHY COULDN'T KIRSTEN DUNST HAVE PLAYED GWEN SO THEY COULD KILL HER OFF WITH BRYCE COMING IN AS MARY JANE?!? OH. MY. GOD.

AND NOW JOBLO SAYS THAT GWEN NOT ONLY LIVES, BUT THAT TOPHER GRACE IS, IN FACT, AFTER ALL THE RUMOR, "VENOM". I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

DID HARRISON FORD'S ULTIMATUM WORK FOR INDY 4? GEORGE LUCAS SLATES IT FOR A 2007 RELEASE!

THE BAFTA NOMINATIONS ARE OUT (THE BRIT ACADEMY AWARDS), SEE WHICH CONSTANT GARDENERS, GAY COWBOYS AND DEAD COUNTRY SINGERS GOT THE NOD.

REMEMBER THAT "HULK 2 / MULDER" STORY FROM YESTERDAY? IT APPEARS TO BE COMPLETE BULLSHIT. SORRY.

CARPENTER, LANDIS, HOOPER, GARRIS & MORE RETURN FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF "MASTERS OF HORROR"!

HOLLY HUNTER HAS TWINS, ADDING TWO MORE MEELY-MOUTHED, SIDE-TALING KIDS INTO THIS WORLD.

AMERICAN IDOL CONTINUES TO BE STUPID HUGE.

REMEMBER THAT MOVIE I REVIEWD SEVERAL MONTHS AGO? RICHARD LINKLATER'S "A SCANNER DARKLY"? WELL, IT'S COMING OUT IN JULY. AND ABOUT TIME, TOO.

HERE'S THE POSTER FOR RICHARD DONNER'S NEW FILM "16 BLOCKS" WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND MINE, BRUCE WILLIS & MOS DEF.

AGENT SCULLY, TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO GET A PAYCHECK, IS DOING "BLEAK HOUSE" ON PBS.

RUSSELL "FIGHTIN' & SAILIN' AROUND THE WORLD" CROWE GETS TO BE A POPPA AGAIN, BRINGING ANOTHER CHILD INTO THE WORLD THAT HE CAN TEACH TO BEAT PEOPLE UP FOR HIM.

2006 TO BE THE YEAR OF MONEY-MAKING MOVIES AGAIN? I DUNNO...WHICH REMAKES ARE THEY DOING THIS YEAR? CHiPS? HMMM...

BOWIE & HAGGARD TO GET LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT GRAMMYS, BUT NOTHING FOR AARON NEVILLE.

IN A RELATED STORY, IN ORDER TO MAKE THE SUPERBOWL LESS OF A HEADACHE, THEY HAVE HIRED A SMOULDERING SEXPOT TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM...YOU GUESSED IT... AARON NEVILLE.

You have reached the end of this transmission. Enjoy your day.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-18-06

2006-01-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

Hump day news, my fine feathered friends:

"24" WHIPS TELEVISION RATING ASS IN ITS FIRST TWO DAYS.

"THE X-FILES" CREATOR CHRIS CARTER SUES FOX!

TOM WELLING SPILLS THE BEANS ON "SMALLVILLE"'S 100TH EPISODE, WHERE THEY KILL, KILL, KILL SOMEBODY. I BET IT'S NOT LEX.

IN RELATED WB NEWS, JENSEN ACKLES SPILLS THE BEANS ON THE REST OF THE SEASON OF "SUPERNATURAL". I BET IT'S NOT LEX.

SURE ITS ONLY BEEN OUT A WEEK, BUT ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR THE WEINSTEIN BROTHERS TO MAKE A "HOODWINKED" SEQUEL? PREPARE FOR "HOOD VS. EVIL"!

P.T. ANDERSON MAKES ANOTHER MOVIE JUST TO SPITE ME.

AGENT MULDER TURNS HUGE AND GREEN?

JOHN SINGLETON TO GO CLANCY ON YOUR ASS.

BOND GOES BACK TO DRIVING AN ASTON MARTIN IN "CASINO ROYALE", AS HE SHOULD.

ERIK LUNDEGAARD TAKES A SHOT AT UNDERSTANDING MOVIE DISTRIBUTION, BY HIMSELF, WITH "KUNG FU HUSTLE" PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.

JOBLO GIVES YOU THEIR FIRST 5 OUT OF THEIR TOP 10 CRAZY EVIL BITCHES. 'NUFF SAID.

HANS ZIMMER TO SCORE "DA VINCI CODE". IF YOU CAN'T GET JOHN WILLIAMS, I GUESS YOU CAN SETTLE FOR HANS ZIMMER.

HARRISON FORD TELLS THE POWERS THAT BE TO MAKE "INDY 4" IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS OR HE'S GOING TO DIE OLD AND WHIPLESS.

KIM RAVER OF "24" GETS TO DO A MOVIE WITH BEN STILLER, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT BEN STILLER WILL HIRE ANYBODY.

VIRGINIA MADSEN TAKES OVER FOR ELIZABETH SHUE ON "THE NUMBER 23" STARRING JIM CARREY. IT'S A THRILLER THAT'S ALMOST "24" BUT NOT QUITE.

NOTE TO DRUG ADDLED PSEUDO-CELEBRITIES...STOP CARRYING YOUR DRUGS WITH YOU. THE POLICE DON'T APPROVE. OH, AND LEIF GARRETT HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR CARRYING NARCOTICS.

"CHEF" HAS BEEN HSPITALIZED FOR "EXHAUSTION" AFTER EVERY ONE ELSE SEEMED TO THINK IT WAS A STROKE. WELL, I GUESS WE'LL SEE WHO GETS THE SHAFT.

That's it. Enjoy.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Bauer Kills Christmas

2006-01-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

This story was forwarded to me by Jerrica Benton's cousin. She calls it a story about her "Next Ex-Husband".

This is truly why JACK BAUER is the greatest.

Click below for the

BEST. STORY. EVER.

Be sure to scroll down and read the whole thing. It's bloody brilliant.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-17-06

2006-01-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

Scroll down to get your GLOBE on. Here's the news:

KID FROM "BEETHOVEN" SERIES IS SUICIDAL AND MISSING, PARENTS SCOLDED FOR FINALLY SHOWING HIM "BEETHOVEN".

CONAN O'BRIEN HAS POLITICAL POWER...IN FINLAND. SERIOUSLY.

"CAPOTE" WHINES AND WADDLES ITS WAY TO DVD ON MARCH 14TH.

AFTER 2 YEARS, THE NEXT 20 EPISODES OF "THE SOPRANOS" WILL BE THE LAST. 12 NOW, 8 IN 2007. DO PEOPLE STILL WATCH THAT SHOW? NOT FOR 2 YEARS, I GUESS.

U2 CAUSES BRAZILIAN PILE-UP, THE EDGE STILL SAD ABOUT THAT GUITAR IN NEW ORLEANS.

GIVING UP ON BIG NAME ACTRESSES, THE CHICK FROM "TROY" MIGHT JUST BE THE NEW BOND GIRL, BUT THEN AGAIN, WHO CARES?

EMPIRE ONLINE HAS THE "200". I THINK IT'S SOME SORT OF POLL, BUT WILL WE EVER TRULY KNOW?

"BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" TRIES TO QUIT YOU IN MARCH.

TIM ROBBINS WANTS TO ADAPT "1984" FOR FILM, BIG BROTHER CONTINUES STARING AT HIS WIFE'S BOOBS.

TIRED OF GETTING AN EDUCATION IN ACTING AND WANT TO JUST JUMP RIGHT IN WITH THE REST OF THE TALENTLESS HACKS? STARZ & REVOLUTION STUDIOS HAS A DEAL FOR YOU!

JASON STATHAM AND JET LI TO RETEAM TO KICK EACH OTHER'S ASSES, "ROGUE" STYLE.

FIRST PICKS FROM EMILIO ESTEVEZ'S "BOBBY", STARRING A HOBBIT AND A CRACK BABY.

ALICIA KEYS, HAVING TOO MUCH TIME ON HER HANDS TO WRITE GOOD SONGS, HAS DECIDED TO GO INTO THE T.V. & MOVIE BUSINESS.

BRITNEY MURPHY, TIRED OF NOT BEING ENGAGED AGAIN, GETS A RING FROM SOME GUY, UNTIL HE, TOO, REALIZES THAT THE SEX ISN'T WORTH THE EVERPRESENT STENCH OF BOTH EMINEM & ASHTON KUTCHER.

"RENT" JUMPS OVER THE MOON IN FEBRUARY.

SOME DRUG-ADDLED TALENTLESS "SINGERS" NEVER LEARN. PETE DOHERTY ARRESTED AGAIN FOR DRUGS, RIGHT AFTER PLEADING GUILTY TO LAST MONTH'S CHARGE. KATE MOSS SEEN HIDING HER STASH.

GOD COSTS THE WB TOO MUCH MONEY. "7TH HEAVEN" TAKES THE RAP.

That's it, kids. Enjoy yourselves.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Golden Globe Results

2006-01-17T03:27:00.000-08:00

For those of you that were 100% awesome and watched "24", instead of the Golden Globes, here are the results...some good, some bad...

Remind me to tell you what I thought of the gay cowboy movie....for a hint, I agree very much with Gene Shalit, only I don't apologize for it.

HERE IS THE COMPLETE LIST OF GOLDEN GLOBE WINNERS!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-14 & 15 & 16-06

2006-01-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

Well... after a heartbreaking 2 hours of "24" last night, we at the Sheep are gearing up for another 2 hours tonight at 8 p.m. on FOX. You better watch it. Everyone else is.

Here's the news:

"HOODWINKED" WINS THE BOX OFFICE PRIZE BY MERE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OVER "LAST HOLIDAY" AND "GLORY ROAD", WHILE "THE CHRONIC *WHAT* CLES OF NARNIA" BEAT "HOSTEL" DOWN TO 5TH PLACE.

LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS, THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ARE COMING....AGAIN...WITH BETTER ANIMATION...

WANT TO DOWNLOAD MOVIES TO YOUR CAR AT THE GAS PUMP? WELCOME TO THE FUTURE. PHILIP K. DICK WOULD BE SO PROUD.

ROSARIO DAWSON, QUEEN OF ALL MEDIA, HAS A COMIC BOOK COMING OUT....NO, SERIOUSLY...

SICK OF NO MOVIES WITH NATHAN FILLION? TAKE YOUR MEDICINE!

BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU, HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR "ULTRAVIOLET"! MILLA, MILLA, BO-BILLA.

THAT OLD POEM BY "ANONYMOUS" GETS A MOVIE TRAILER, THIS TIME WITHOUT CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT!

MICKEY ROURKE WINS "BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR" FROM THE ONLINE CRITICS FOR "SIN CITY"! WHERE'S YOUR ACADEMY NOW?!?

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER, "POSEIDON" GETS A POSTER.

JOBLO GIVES US THE BEST POSTERS OF 2005, AND ONCE AGAIN, I'M NOT ON ANY OF THEM.

NEW "DOCTOR WHO" FINALLY GETS THE SCI-FI CHANNEL GREEN LIGHT...NOW IF BASIC CABLE WOULD ONLY PICK UP SCI-FI. I'LL TRADE THEM FOURTEEN MEXICAN CHANNELS FOR IT. IS IT A DEAL?

HOT ON THE HEELS OF HIS RETIREMENT TO PRISON, DMX RETURNS WITH A NEW LABEL, READY TO CONTINUE THE PREACHING OF GOOD WILL TOWARD MAN.

That's about it. Nothing too exciting.

Sure, the Golden Globes are on tonight, but somebody should have told them not to go head to head with the second half of the "24" premiere. It'll be tough to try to watch Kiefer on two channels at once, so I'm pretty sure the Globes can suck it.

WATCH "24"!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

"24" RETURNS TONIGHT!

2006-01-15T13:14:00.000-08:00

The new season of "24" starts tonight at 8:00 p.m. Two hours of love tonight and then two more tomorrow night.

Watch it or suck.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

R.I.P. Shelley Winters

2006-01-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

SHELLEY WINTERS, 85, DIES OF HEART FAILURE.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family, fans and friends.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-13-05

2006-01-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

What kind of news can you expect on Friday the 13th? Huh?

This kind of news:

CHRIS MARTIN HAS ONCE AGAIN PLANTED HIS SEED IN GWYNETH PALTROW. PERHAPS THIS TIME SHE'LL HAVE AN ORANGE.

THE HASSELHOFF FILES FOR DIVORCE FROM HIS WIFE OF 16 YEARS, REGRETS NOT HAVING DONE IT WHILE HE WAS SPENDING ALL OF TIME WITH SCANTILY-CLAD BIMBOS ON THE BEACH.

JOSS WHEDON TALKS ABOUT HIS NEW GIG "GONERS", AND NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CAST OF "SERENITY".

CRAP LOADS OF T.V. PILOT / SERIES NEWS FROM DARK HORIZONS, SOME OF WHICH MIGHT EVEN BE COOL TO WATCH.

RAPPER "MYSTIKAL" GETS A YEAR IN PRISON, AL CAPONE-STYLE.

HOT ON THE HEELS OF THAT, THEY ALSO THROW OUT SOME DATE SHIFTS FOR FEATURE FILMS, INCLUDING PUSHING "CATCH & RELEASE" BACK UNTIL 2007, AND FORCING JIM CARREY & BEN STILLER TO TAKE ON "SHREK 3" AND "SPIDER-MAN", I.E. DOOMING THEM.

THE BEACH BOYS, THINKING THEY HAVE STUFF PEOPLE WANT, HAVE FILED A LAWSUIT AGAINST TWO DUDES FOR $20 MILLION. SOME GUYS WILL DO ANYTHING TO NOT BE FLAT BROKE.

HERE'S A GOOD IDEA, LET'S CALL BRANDON ROUTH, THE NEW "SUPER-MAN", "BRANDO". HERE'S AN INTERVIEW WITH HIM. HE SOUNDS JUST AS FAT & SUPERIOR.

HERE'S THE JOBLO TOP 10 OF 2005, SINCE WE'RE TOO LAZY TO DO ONE OURSELVES.

KARI WUHRER SUES ABC BECAUSE SHE GOT KNOCKED UP.

COLBERT PUTS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS AS #1 ON HIS "THREAT DOWN", SO MSNBC PICKS UP THE STORY. "TRUTHINESS" ENSUES.

MELISSA JOAN HART HAS GIVEN BIRTH. IN OTHER NEWS, SOMEONE SLEPT WITH MELISSA JOAN HART.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH! Have a good weekend. It's good to be back, isn't it?

E-MAIL US.

JOIN THE SHEEP MAP.

Leave a frickin' comment, you no opinion having meatloafs.

See ya Monday. Go see a movie or something.

AND "24" STARTS AGAIN ON SUNDAY!!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-12-06

2006-01-12T09:10:00.000-08:00

Is it Thursday? New E.R. tonight? Shocking moments? How about the news?

READ MORE ABOUT THE JACK BAUER POWER HOUR PREMIERE! "24" STARTS SUNDAY!!

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR THE GOLDEN SCHMOES! THE ONLY AWARDS WHERE YOUR OPINION REALLY MATTERS! (RUN BY JOBLO.COM)

MARCH WORKS ITS MAGIC AGAIN ON DVDS, THIS TIME WITH "HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE"....HERE'S THE COVER. I'M GLAD MARCH'LL KEEP ME BROKE.

JOHNNY DEPP AS "THE JOKER"? RACHAEL WEISZ AS "TALIA", DAUGHTER OF "RA'S AL GHUL"? NOW THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING. I'M SURE THERE WILL ONLY BE ANOTHER YEAR'S WORTH OF RUMORS BEFORE WE FIND OUT WHO IT WILL REALLY BE. THANKS AMERICA.

HERE'S A TERRIBLE IDEA, EVEN IF IT'S A JOKE: "BUTCH AFFLECK & THE SUNDAMON KID".

BRUCKHEIMER CONTINUES TO PULL CHUD OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL FOR SEQUELS GALORE.

SPEAKING OF SEQUELS, SODERBERGH KEEN ON "OCEAN'S 13" & READY TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT MEXICANS.

DIDN'T KNOW THAT AFTER ELIOT NESS QUIT THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT AND LEFT CHICAGO THAT HE MOVED TO CLEVELAND AND HUNTED A SERIAL KILLER? DAVID FINCHER DOES, AND SOON, SO WILL YOU. I BRING YOU..."TORSO"!

TED KOPPEL TO CONTINUE BEING BORING ON THE STATION THAT LOVES TO BORE, NPR.

IN A FIT OF SOMETHING SOBER, HANK WILLIAMS, JR. VISITS THE ONLY LIVING WEST VIRGINIA MINER....OR HE NEVER VISITED HIM AT ALL...I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO READ THE PAPERS THE NEXT DAY TO FIND OUT...BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST THE MEDIA.

SARAH BUNTING AT MSNBC DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FORGET AXE-FACE MAGEE WHEN THE OSCARS ROLE AROUND, AND NEITHER DO WE.

That's it. Three days 'til Jack's back and television will be good again.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-11-06

2006-01-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

Once again, it's the Hump Day news:

BRAD PITT HAS FILLED ANGELINA JOLIE WITH A PITTLING.

MIKE NICHOLS DIRECTS TOM HANKS & JULIA ROBERTS IN THE NEXT MOVIE TO RAKE IN THE BUCKS "CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR".

SEEN THE ANTI-CHRIST? WANT TO? AND NO... IT'S NOT A PIC OF GEORGE W. BUSH....THIS TIME.

"TRANSFORMERS" MOVIE TEST FOOTAGE? YOU BE THE JUDGE.

RAIMI GOES FROM SPIDEY TO DISC WORLD, PUTTING YET ANOTHER CHECK IN BRUCH CAMPBELL'S BULGING POCKETS.

HERE'S THE TOP 10 GROSSERS OF 2005...AND I'M NOT IN ANY OF THEM.

SETH GREEN IS THE HARDEST WORKING HOBBIT IN SHOW BUSINESS.

SICK OF THE FIRST "ERAGON" POSTER? HERE'S ANOTHER ONE. IT'S BLUE!

"BASIC INSTINCT 2" GETS A POSTER, AND MICHAEL DOUGLAS CROSSES HIS FINGERS.

KID THAT'S NOT "MALCOLM" FROM "MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE" BUYS THE "NEWLYWED" LOVE SHACK, KNOWS WHAT TUNA IS.

THE GOLDEN TOMATO AWARDS!!!

EMINEM & EX-WIFE APPLY FOR MARRIAGE LICENSE, PROVING THAT YOU CAN, IN FACT, KEEP BEATING A DEAD HORSE.

PETE DOHERTY PLEADS GUILTY TO DRUG CHRAGES, STILL CAN'T SING, BUT HE FINALLY MADE THE PAPERS.

A BAND I MADE FAMOUS, THE KAISER CHIEFS, TOP THE BRIT AWARD HOMS, AND I DON'T EVEN GET A THANK YOU.

BOND'S "GOLDFINGER" ASTON MARTIN TO BE AUCTIONED, NO WORD ON WHETHER ODD JOB WILL BE IN THE TRUNK.

That's it. Feast you hounds.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-10-06

2006-01-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

Another Tuesday and more news:

JOSS WHEDON SPEAKS ON THE FUTURE OF THE "SERENITY" 'VERSE.

FINALLY LISTENING TO THE CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN MYSELF AND JERRICA BENTON, ADRIEN BRODY WANTS TO BE THE NEXT JOKER!

NOT CONVINCED ABOUT "THE FAST & THE FURIOUS 3"? WELL, THE DIRECTOR CAN'T WAIT TO MAKE HIS "POSTMODERN WESTERN"...WE CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP.

HILARY SWANK, TIRED OF FORGETTING ABOUT HER HUSBAND AT IMPORTANT MOMEMTS OF HER LIFE LIKE THE OSCARS, FINALLY KICKS HIM TO THE CURB.

AFTER HAVING MADE A MERE $530 MILLION WORLDWIDE (SO FAR), DISNEY GEARS UP FOR "NARNIA 2: PUBERTY".

HERE'S A HEALTHY DOSE OF "SEQUEL RUMORS" FOR YOU. IT SAYS NOTHING, BUT WHO REALLY DOES?

SURE "HOSTEL" JUST CAME OUT, BUT WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT NEWS OF "HOSTEL 2: HOSTELER"?

SICK OF NEVER SEEING JASON STATHAM WITH HAIR? CLEANSE YOURSELF.

"THE DA VINCI CODE" PROMO PICKS ARE OUT, AND TOM & AMELIE LOOK KICK ASS.

AS IF THERE WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH SMOKE UP OUR ASSES, THE "INDIANA JONES" PEOPLE JUST KEEP BLOWING.

AFTER A STRING OF CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS LIKE "O" AND "SAVE THE LAST DANCE", JULIA STILES NAILS DOWN THAT ALL IMPORTANT RETURN FOR HER CHARACTER IN "THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM".

"PHANTOM OF THE OPERA" BEATS "CATS" AS LONGEST RUNNING BROADWAY SHOW, SHITTIEST MOVIE.

ANOTHER "SOPRANOS" ACTOR DOES SOMETHING STUPID.

JUST LIKE KURT COBAIN DYING, NOBODY CARES THAT HIS HOUSE IS UP OR AUCTION.

"DIAMOND" DAVE SAYS REUNITING WITH VAN HALEN IS INEVITABLE, STILL CAN'T FIND HIS CRACK PIPE OR HIS DEPENDS.

That's it. Enjoy. Leave a comment.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 1-9-06

2006-01-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand We're Back!

We'll act like nothing happened while we were gone, and commence with the NEWS:

NEED MORE KEVIN SMITH, WELL GUESS WHAT! THE NEW CLERKS 2 TEASER IS AVAILABLE RIGHT HERE!!!!

PINK MARRIES MOTOCROSS RACER CAREY HART, AMERICA STUNNED TO KNOW THEY ARE STILL ALIVE.

PROGRESSIVE AMERICA REFUSES TO SHOW "THE BOOK OF DANIEL", TIE AIDEN QUINN TO A POST AND PREPARE TO "BURN THE WITCH".

UTAH REFUSES TO SHOW "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN", STATING "IF OUR WOMEN CAN'T VOTE AND OUR SLAVES AREN'T FREE, THERE WON'T BE NO GAY COWBOYS FOR ME!".

"JARHEAD", "GOOD NIGHT & GOOD LUCK", "JUST FRIENDS" & "CAPOTE" ALL HIT DVD SHELVES IN MARCH. CHECK OUT JOBLO FOR MORE!

PREPARING TO ASSAULT ALL OF YOUR SENSES AT ONCE, TARATINO & RODRIGUEZ GIVE YOU "GRIND HOUSE: THE BOOK!"

PRETTY BOY GETS CAST AS "AQUAMAN" FOR NEW WB TV SHOW, OTHER GUY WHO PLAYED HIM ON "SMALLVILLE" DROWNS.

TV GUIDE CONFIRMS KIM'S RETURN TO "24", AND TALKS MOVIE FRANCHISE, WHILE COUGARS EVERYWHERE PREPARE FOR A FEAST.

"WOLVERINE" MOVIE BEING MADE AND "X3" WILL MAKE PEOPLE GO "BALLISTIC", SAYS HUGH JACKMAN. NO WORD ON WHETHER THAT'S A GOOD "BALLISTIC" OR A BAD "BALLISTIC".

WAL-MART DECIDES IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO RECOMMEND MARTIN LUTHER KING TO PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR "PLANET OF THE APES"...RACISM ENSUES.

MSNBC'S TOP 10 MOVIE SCENES OF 2005.

WANT MORE "VENDETTA"? HERE'S THE JAPANESE TRAILER!

LOOKS LIKE TIM BURTON WILL CONTINUE NOT DOING ANYTHING ORIGINAL AND KEEP PAYING JOHNNY DEPP TO DO IT WITH HIM...WE GIVE YOU "SWEENEY TODD"!

JUST WHEN YOU WERE WONDERING IF AND WHEN "DEADWOOD" WOULD FINALLY GET AROUND TO SEASON THREE, HBO GOES ALL IN AND GIVES THE GO-AHEAD FOR SEASON FOUR!

"HARD CANDY" GETS A TRAILER AND POSTER...AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE COUNTING CROWS SONG.

WARNER BROTHERS PICKS UP "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE" ALONG WITH ITS DIRECTOR...SPIKE JONZE!

OH YEAH, AND JON STEWART IS GOING TO HOST THE OSCARS, SO PREPARE TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED.

That's a good start to get us going again. Like I said, we're each going to have a round-up for you, since our opinions matter to so many of you. It keeps us fresh and in tune with out creative side. Until then, more news tomorrow. We hope everybody had great holidays and we look forward to hearing from you in this new year.

That's 2006. The new year. Work with us, not against us.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

The Return!

2006-01-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

Fear not! The Sheep will return with daily compiled news, et al starting January 9th, 2006!

Until then, relax and learn how to send us an e-mail or post a comment!

CANASTA!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-23-05

2005-12-23T14:00:00.000-08:00

It's the "HaPpY HoLiDaYs" edition of The Sheep! No matter which religion or party you wanna go to, go to it and have fun over the weekend. The Sheep will be down for a while, as I have planes to catch and other nonsense. We'll see how it goes.

Go see some movies! Here's the NEWS:

IN WHAT WOULD TRULY MAKE THE MAN PROUD, "WALK THE LINE" WILL BE SCREENED AT FOLSOM PRISON.

AICN HAS ANOTHER PIC FROM THE NEW SUPERMAN MOVIE, AND IT STILL DOESN'T HAVE JOHN SCHNEIDER IN IT.

ROGER EBERT, THE GUY YOU LOVE TO HATE, GIVES US HIS TOP MOVIES OF 2005, AND FOR SOME REASON, GENE SISKEL HAS YET TO COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE AND KICK HIS ASS.

HAVE YOUR HILLISH EYES SEEN THE TRAILER FOR THE REMAKE OF "THE HILLS HAVE EYES"? I WONDER WHICH NUMBER HE CALLED TO ASK MICHAEL BAY FOR THE REJECTS FROM THE SHITTY "TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE" REMAKE.

MORE GHOST RIDER!

JACKSON WANTS TO FRIGHTEN AGAIN, WHILE MICHAEL J. FOX SHAKES IN FEAR...OR...MAYBE JUST SHAKES.

MIKE MYERS' WIFE SICK OF HIS 1-TRICK PONY SHOW, TOO.

BRAD RENFRO ARRESTED IN DRUG STING, CONFIRMING FACT THAT HE'S RIDING THE HORSE.

HOWIE DAY GETS REAL F'D UP ON A PLANE...AND...BRACE YOURSELF...HE GETS ARRESTED.

IN CASE YOU FORGOT, KEVIN COSTNER KICKS ASS, AND YOU NAY-SAYERS BETTER SHUT YOUR LESS-PAID, OFTEN ANNOYING MOUTHS.

That's it. Have a good weekend.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-22-05

2005-12-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

Thursday news is here!

NEED SOME CRAZY-ASS SPOILERS FOR "THE JACK BAUER POWER HOUR - SEASON 5"? HERC AT AICN HAS GOT YA COVERED. HERE THEY ARE.

CHEWBACCA HAS A CHRISTMAS CAROL FOR YOU!

PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN FOR THE PENGUIN? HMMM....

HERE ARE NEWSWEEK'S "BEST & WORST MOVIES OF 2005" IN CASE YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK.

DON'T YOU HATE RACIST MONKEY MOVIES?

POOR "WHITE NOISE 2"...WAS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT THE FIRST ONE SUCKED?

DEFAMER HAS CHRISTMAS CARDS FROM HOLLYWOOD TYPES...INCLUDING AN "X3" CARD FROM BRETT RATNER...WEARING A WOLVERINE COSTUME...AND A FULL BODY SHOT OF THE BEAST...YOU HAVE TO SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT.

ORLANDO BLOOM AND KATE BOSWORTH ARE ENGAGED. NOW IF THEY'D ONLY SPLIT THE COST OF SOME ACTING CLASSES...

GOOD NEWS FOR LOVERS OF SCRUNCHY FACED ACTRESSES AND MEDIOCRE SINGERS... ZELLWEGER & CHESNEY ARE OFFICIALLY SINGLE AGAIN!

WOMAN WHO GOT RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST LETTERMAN IS CRAZIER THAN A SHIT-HOUSE MOUSE.

SORRY BOYS, ELTON JOHN IS ONCE AGAIN OFF THE MARKET. YOUR TRAIN CAN'T STOP THERE NO MORE.

That it, folks. One more day until you can safely say you don't have to go to work for awhile, even though you haven't been there all week because you've been "sick". Liars.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-21-05

2005-12-21T09:08:00.000-08:00

Hump-day "nobody goes to work this week because they're lazy" news!

WHAT'S BETTER THAN NO NEWS? HOW ABOUT A "CLERKS 2" VIDEO DIARY FEATURING KEVIN SMITH, QUENTIN TARANTINO & ROBERT RODRIGUEZ? YEAH, THAT'S BETTER.

LA WEEKLY PISSES ALL OVER THE "CELEBRITY NEWS" OF 2005.

MEL GIBSON'S "APOCALYPTO" TRAILER HITS, WHILE MEL ROLLS IN HIS MONEY BIN WITH MAYANS.

BUDD SCHULBERG EXPLAINS WHERE HOLLYWOOD WENT WRONG...AND EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO A GUY NAMED BUDD.

"THE O.C." GETS A TIME BUMP, STILL ABOUT EVERYBODY SCREWING EACH OTHER IN PRETTY CLOTHES.

WITH FOUR DAYS TO GO BEFORE ITS LIMITED RELEASE, MALICK'S "THE NEW WORLD" STILL ISN'T FINISHED, COLIN FARRELL STILL DRUNK.

NEWSWEEK GETS THE EXCLUSIVE ON "THE DA VINCI CODE" WITH AMERICA'S FAVORITE ACTOR & OPIE CUNNINGHAM.

DIDN'T GET ENOUGH OF NOT SEEING "JOHNSON FAMILY VACATION" THE FIRST TIME? WELL STRAP YOURSELVES IN FOR THE SEQUEL NOT BEING CALLED "JOHNSON FAMILY EUROPEAN VACATION".

RUMOR HAS IT CHARLIZE THERON HAS TURNED DOWN BEING THE NEW BOND GIRL IN "CASINO ROYALE", PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE'S TOO BUSY AFFLECKING HER CAREER WITH SUCH HITS AS "AEON FLUX" AND "REINDEER GAMES".

TTFN. Not a lot going on. We'll have several special things coming up before the end of the year, like "Best & Worst" lists from our staff and Jerrica Benton's plea for "Cinderella Man"... stay tuned, true believers.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-20-05

2005-12-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

Super Tuesday here on the Sheep.

Here's the news:

"SERENITY" GETS NEW LIFE ON DVD TODAY! BUY IT!! NOW!!!

TIRED OF NOT SEEING NICOLAS CAGE WITH HIS HEAD ON FIRE? HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!

NOT ENOUGH? WANT GARNER/AFFLECK/KEVIN SMITH GOODNESS? HERE'S "CATCH & RELEASE".

ROCKY TAKES ONE FOR THE TEAM.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT HE WAS SPENDING ALL OF HIS TIME FIGHTING CRIME, SPIDER-MAN TAKES A MOMENT TO REVIEW CRAYONS. ENJOY!

"BROKEBACK" FINALLY GETS THE GO AHEAD TO HIT MORE THEATERS, PROVING THAT GAY COWBOYS CANNOT BE RESTRAINED FOR LONG.

ALSO PROVING THAT MAN-LOVING COWBOYS ARE WORTH STATUES, "BROKEBACK" CONTINUES WINNING A CRAP-LOAD OF AWARDS.

HERE'S THAT 2006 FOX PREVIEW YOU WERE WAITING FOR, ESPECIALLY YOU "GARFIELD 2" FANS.

TIRED OF NEVER GETTING CAST ANYMORE, LAURENCE FISHBURNE DECIDES TO WRITE, DIRECT AND STAR IN A NEW MOVIE.

NOT ENOUGH FORMER TREKKIES ON "LOST"? THAT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE.

IN A RIDICULOUS SHOW OF IDIOCY, "SIN CITY" DOESN'T MAKE SHORT LIST CUT OF F/X OSCAR CONTENDERS, BUT BATMAN, POTTER AND CHUCK'S CHOCO FACTORY DO.

GAVIN FINALLY KNOCKS UP GWEN...OR AT LEAST SOMEBODY DID...

FIRED "HOUSEWIVES" ACTOR STILL BEING A WHINEY LITTLE BITCH.

EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN OTHER SHOWS' ACTORS DIED? HERE'S THE SCOOP.

BRITNEY WAS NOT COOL ENOUGH TO HAVE A SEX TAPE AFTER ALL.

AWFUL IS THE NEW AWESOME, LIKE IT WASN'T ALREADY.

That's it, ya bastiches!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-17 & 18 & 19-05

2005-12-19T10:26:00.000-08:00

Weekend round-up and Monday News!

IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE TODAY, AT LEAST GO TO DARK HORIZONS AND CHECK OUT THEIR ODE TO SERENITY! FOR REAL.

THE WB PICKS UP "THE WATCHMEN"!!!

KONG, MAKING ONLY $50 MILLION IN A 5-DAY WEEKEND, TANKS! OR AT LEAST "WILL BE TANKING UNTIL MID JANUARY WHEN IT FINALLY MAKES $400 MILLION DOLLARS".

STAR WARS...IN 30 SECONDS...WITH BUNNIES.

"THE PRODUCERS" TO DO "YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN" NEXT? CAN "BLAZING SADDLES" OR OTHER RE-HASHED MEL BROOKS MOVIES BE FAR BEHIND?

WANT YOUR OWN STAR ON THE "WALK OF FAME"? FORGET IT. HERE'S THE CHEAP VERSION.

TOP 5 CHRISTMAS COMEDIES! AND I PRETTY MUCH AGREE!

DARK HORIZONS PICKS THE 10 WORST FILMS OF 2005, AND I'M NOT IN ANY OF THEM!

AND RIGHT AFTER THAT, CHUD PICKS THEIR 10 WORST FILMS AS WELL, AND I'M STILL NOT IN ANY OF THEM!

LINKLATER DOES "FAST FOOD NATION", EATS TOO MANY BURGERS, VOMITS.

"THE DA VINCI CODE" FOLKS ARE READY TO KICK YOUR ASS, AND I LOVE IT.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULD NEVER GET HIM, SEAL IS IN TALKS TO PLAY A VILLAIN IN THE NEW BOND MOVIE, BECAUSE WE'RE NEVER GONNA SURVIVE...UNLESS...WE GET A LITTLE CRAZY.

"THE WEST WING" IN TURMOIL AFTER SPENCER'S DEATH.

That's it. Do something with your life.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

R.I.P. John Spencer

2005-12-16T15:54:00.000-08:00

It's a dark day for THE WEST WING.

ACTOR JOHN SPENCER DIES OF HEART ATTACK.

Rest in peace. You were a big reason I watched the show.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-16-05

2005-12-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the weekend...

Here's the news:

LIONS GATE FILMS HAS CHANGED ITS NAME AND LOGO TO "LIONSGATE". THEY NOW HAVE A SHITTIER LOGO AND ONE LESS SPACE, BUT DOLLARS TO DOUGHNUTS THERE'S A RICH GRAPHIC DESIGNER OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.

JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS...A CHRISTMAS GORY!

FOR A MOVIE THAT'S BOUND TO MAKE "TITANIC" MONEY, IT SURE WAS LIMP IN WEDNESDAY.

EXPERT ON ALL THINGS CINEMATIC, MARK WAHLBERG TALKS "BRAZILIAN JOB".

ASHLEE SIMPSON CAN'T SING OR STAND UP.

NEED A NEW "V FOR VENDETTA" TRAILER? WE'RE ON IT!

A "THE HILLS HAVE EYES" POSTER THAT ISN'T FROM 1974.

RANDOM MTV MOVIE NEWS, FROM RANDOM 'OLE MTV, COURTESY OF RANDOM 'OLE JOBLO.

MORGAN FREEMAN SAYS WHAT WE'VE ALL BEEN THINKING ABOUT BLACK HISTORY MONTH.

THE ITALIAN "HOSTEL" POSTER IS COOLER THAN YOU.

SUPERMAN GETS A DOCUMENTARY JUST IN TIME FOR THE MOVIE NEXT YEAR...LET THE MARKETING BEGIN! NOW IF THEY CAN JUST COME UP WITH A TRAILER THAT DOESN'T BLOW.

NOVAK LEAVES CNN, TAIL TUCKED FIRMLY BETWIXT LEGS & FOX IS THERE TO GIVE HIM SHELTER.

IN A BID TO GIVE CHINA A HEADS-UP ON AMERICAN POLITICS, THEY'VE FINALLY GOTTEN "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES".

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ALL OF US AT MTV. DON'T COME BACK NEXT YEAR.

"POOH'S HEFFALUMP MOVIE" LEADS THE 42-SONG OSCAR RACE!

WHAT? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? FOXY BROWN IS DEAF? WHAT?

That's it. Go see BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, THE PRODUCERS and that MONKEY MOVIE.

You know you wanna.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

A Scanner Darkly Review

2005-12-15T10:09:00.000-08:00

OK, hot mommas and daddies:

I just saw the new RICHARD LINKLATER film, based on a PHILIP K. DICK story, starring KEANU REEVES, ROBERT DOWNEY, JR., WOODY HARRELSON, RORY COCHRANE & WINONA RYDER.

And so, as promised:

KREEGAL'S "A SCANNER DARKLY" REVIEW AT AICN.

Mine's the first one.

And YES, you do get to see WINONA'S animated boobies in the film.

For quite a while.

Thanks again to Quint and the good folks at Ain't It Cool News for not only posting my review, but for hotlinking us as well. We really appreciate it. Go to their site. Read all of their stuff. They're good folks, them.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

To All The New Folks...

2005-12-15T09:58:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody... WELCOME!

And here's the deal...

What we do here is compile the entertainment news from a huge number of sources every day (except weekends) by noon. We also write our own reviews on anything and everything entertainment related.

A lot of the news we put up (under our own pithy headline) is taken from our good friends over on the right sidebar. If you notice a website or link missing, leave a comment, let us know, and we'll get it up there.

Our goal is to be a one-stop gateway for entertainment. We aren't stealing stuff for our own grand design, we're pointing you where to go to get the best in entertainment news. We'd just love to be your homepage. Is that so wrong?

Also, if you have REVIEWS of anything entertainment related, no matter how mundane, EMAIL US.

Leave comments about stories or articles. Tell us what you think.

Join our CELLULOID SHEEP MAP which displays where the site has reached across the globe.

Keep refreshing the site, because BLOGSPOT is slow, and there are lots of times when new stuff is up, but it doesn't automatically load.

Other than that, welcome. We're glad to have you. Thanks to our buddy Quint at AICN for the link, as always.

Enjoy.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-15-05

2005-12-15T09:10:00.000-08:00

Good morning, campers.

Here's the news:

"GHOST RIDER" PUSHED BACK TO FEB. 2007...NIC CAGE STILL ON FIRE.

MISS THOSE HI-RES PICS OF THE MUTANTS FROM BEFORE? HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A GIFTED YOUNGSTER.

HERE'S THE POSTER FOR M. NIGHT'S "LADY IN THE WATER"...KEEP HER AWAY FROM ELECTRICAL OUTLETS, PLEASE.

IN CASE YOU WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES, THERE IS A SECRET WEBSITE ATTACHED TO THE END OF "THE DA VINCI CODE" TRAILER.

THE WB SLAPS UP SOME PICS OF ITS 2006 SLATE...FINALLY GET OUT THOSE PICS FROM THEIR CRAP LINE-UP...AND "THE FOUNTAIN".

CHANEL GOES FROM ONE CRACK BABY TO ANOTHER...LOHAN REPLACES MOSS!

CAROL BURNETT GIVES THE MATTRESS ONE MORE THROW.

ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK POST, IN A BIT OF RIDICULOUS IRONY, STEVEN SPIELBERG HATES JEWS.

NEWSDAY WANTS TO KNOW IF "KING KONG" IS RACIST. IN OTHER NEWS, I SAW KING KONG ON HIS WAY TO A CLAN MEETING THE OTHER DAY, AND HE LOOKED PRETTY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF.

THE BITCH WASN'T BACK ON ELTON'S "THE RED PIANO" BECAUSE NBC THINKS NO ONE HAS SEEN PAMELA ANDERSON BE A WHORE YET.

MARVEL VS. CITY OF HEROES: THE QUICKENING.

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ IS A BAD DRIVER. SERIOUSLY.

THAT'S "SIR" JIMMY PAGE TO YOU, MISTER.

DISNEY TO FINALLY ADMIT TO MAKING THE CHINESE DO ALL OF THEIR WORK.

CNN'S NANCY GRACE BETTER SHUT HER DAMN MOUTH.

NOW, AS IF DAVE CHAPPELLE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH HEADACHES...

THE BEST BAND YOU'VE NEVER HEARD, "FALL OUT BOY", BEATS THE SYSTEM. NOW, IF ONLY METALLICA HAD A DRUMMER...

BEST QUOTE FROM A CATHOLIC YOU'LL HEAR TODAY: "HATE SPEECH DRESSED IN HUMOROUS GARB IS STILL HATE SPEECH. LEARY IS OBVIOUSLY BEDEVILED BY SOME DISORDER BUT NOTHING EXCUSES THIS CRAP."

That's it, kids. My review of A SCANNER DARKLY is next.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Spot News

2005-12-14T14:59:00.000-08:00

For future reference, if news happens after the morning's "Compiled", I'll try to get it up during the day... this also applies to anything I find interesting... AND... we'll call it "SPOT NEWS". Now you know.

TOP 10 MOST VILLAINOUS MOMENTS IN COMICS.

SO FAR SEVEN CAST MEMBERS OF "LOST" HAVE BEEN ARRESTED IN HAWAII.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN WILL CHASE YOU IF YOU TELL HIM HE RUINED "STAR WARS".

Good fun.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-14-05

2005-12-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

Hump-day news.

"ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT" COULD FIND LIFE ON SHOWTIME...OR ABC?

SPEAKING OF SHOWTIME, "WEEDS" GETS AT LEAST 12 MORE EPISODES...BUT THE DRUGS DON'T WORK, THEY JUST MAKE YOU WORSE, AND I'M....NEVERMIND.

DA VINCI CODE TRAILER HITS THE STREETS, ALONG WITH THE FILM VERSION OF POSEIDON...WE'RE READY TO BREAK THE CODE WHILE THE BOAT GETS FLIPPED OVER.

HAVEN'T READ ANY LIES ABOUT THE NEW BOND FILM YET? HERE'S SOME...

CAN'T GET A SCRIPT TO A GREAT BOOK DONE? ASK THE AUTHOR TO DO IT HIMSELF. WELCOME TO ORSON SCOTT CARD'S "ENDER'S GAME".

NOT ENOUGH SPIDEY 3 RUMORS FOR YOU EITHER? WELL, HERE YA GO...

CELEBRITIES ARE STILL IDIOTS...JUST READ THEIR PRE-NUPS.

WEDDING CRASHERS TO CRASH BACK INTO THEATERS IN JANUARY, JUST IN TIME TO RECOUP ALL THOSE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS THEY ALREADY MADE AND SPENT.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THERE WOULDN'T BE INCOHERENT MUMBLING ON XM RADIO, WELCOME TO THE BOB DYLAN POWER HOUR.

That's it, folks. A light one today.

I'll be back later with a review of A SCANNER DARKLY, the new KEANU REEVES movie, directed by RICHARD LINKLATER and based on a PHILIP K. DICK story.

Canasta!

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-13-05

2005-12-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

And now... the news.

BECAUSE SOME NOMINATIONS ARE ENOUGH NOMINATIONS, I GIVE YOU THE "GOLDEN GLOBE" NOMINATIONS!

PROVING TO FINALLY BE A TRUE IRISHMAN, COLIN FARRELL GETS TREATMENT FOR EXHAUSTION AND MEDICATION DEPENDENCY. I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

NOT EVEN SNOOP DOGG COULD SAVE THIS MURDERER. TOOKIE GETS THE SHOT, SLEEPS FOREVER. THE JUSTICE SYSTEM FINALLY GETS ONE RIGHT.

"SOMTHING'S GOTTA GIVE" GETS A SEQUEL WITH ACTUAL "STARS" IN IT.

NOT ONE, BUT TWO "WITCHBLADE" MOVIES GET TO BE MADE, TED TURNER EXCITED AGAIN.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WOULD GET OUT OF HAVING TO SEE BROKEN LIZARD'S "BEERFEST", THEY GO AND MAKE SURE THEY CAST THE ONE GUY THAT I'LL ALWAYS PAY TO SEE. BASTARDS.

HERE'S THAT 2006 DREAMWORKS LINK THAT WAS SCREWED UP YESTERDAY. THANKS, INTERWUB.

REMEMBER WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE THAT COMIC-TO-FILM OF "PREACHER"...WELL IT COULDA LOOKED LIKE THIS...

IF YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, THERE'S A JOB OPENING AT "THE DAILY SHOW".

GOLUM DOES HIS THING AS "KING KONG", PROVING ONCE AGAIN TO BE THE BEST ACTOR NEVER SEEN IN A FILM.

PRINCE GETS TO BE IN THE RECORD BUSINESS AGAIN, NO WORD AS OF YET ON SEQUEL TO RASPBERRY BERET OR LITTLE RED CORVETTE.

CABLE COMPANIES FORCED TO DO YOUR PARENTING FOR YOU, THANKS TO THE GOVERNMENT WHO CAN'T EVEN PARENT THEMSELVES. STOP BEING SHITTY PARENTS.

That's it. Big review tomorrow, I hope, of something that ain't what I mentioned yesterday. Suck it.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

AFI's 10 Best of the Year

2005-12-12T14:47:00.000-08:00

Anyone could've guessed their Top 10 Movies...

...but who knew they were reading my mind when they picked their Top 10 television shows of the year?

AFI'S TOP 10 OF 2005

Courtesy of Hercules The Strong at AICN.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-10 & 11 & 12-05

2005-12-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

The weekend was a tiring one.

Here's the news.

AND THE AWARDS STARTING ROLLING IN.

JUSTINE BATEMAN TO MAKE SWEET LOVE TO JASON BATEMAN ON THE DYING "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT"...OR AT LEAST BE ON THE SHOW...WHATEVER.

DAME JUDI DENCE CAN AND WILL KICK YOUR ASS.

WHAT DOES A COMPANY DO WHEN IT GETS BOUGHT OUT BY PARAMOUNT? WHY, THEY RELEASE THEIR 2006 SLATE OF FILMS, THAT'S WHAT! (ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE-KINDA POSTED BEFORE, BUT WITH UPDATES NOW).

GEISHA & BROKEBACK SET RECORDS FOR ULTRA-LIMITED RELEASE. (THAT MEANS, WE HAVEN'T SEEN "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" YET BECAUSE IT IS ONLY SHOWING IN ONE THEATRE IN ALL OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY AND IT WAS SOLD OUT, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT AMERICA LOVES GAY COWBOYS).

MIAMI VICE TEASER!

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III TEASER!

CHUD GETS A NEW WEBSITE WHERE THE BITCHERS AND MOANERS CAN BITCH AND MOAN! ONE NATION, PUNCHED.

AICN OPENS UP A NEW FORUM!

WARREN ELLIS STARTS HIS ENGINE (OK, IT'S BEEN STARTED FOR A FEW MONTHS, BUT YOU STILL NEED TO GO)!

WE DIDN'T OPEN UP A FORUM OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT! (BUT YOU CAN STILL JOIN OUR MAP!)

RADIOHEAD MIGHT SCORE "A SCANNER DARKLY"!

PUNK-ASS FROM "A BRONX TALE" KILLS A COP, GETS SHOT HIMSELF.

BENNY BRATT FINALLY GETS TO BE ON T-SHIRTS.

RACHAEL MCADAMS HATES HER BODY.

BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T GET ANYBODY ELSE, KANYE WEST WILL HEADLINE THE MTV NEW YEAR'S BASH. JESUS JUST KEEPS ON A'WALKIN'.

SINCE SHE'S NO GOOD AT ANYTHING ELSE, JOSS STONE WINS "BEST CELEBRITY DOG OWNER".

NEWSWEEK PICKS ITS TOP 10 FILMS OF THE YEAR.

GARTH BROOKS & TRISHA YEARWOOD GET MARRIED...GRANTED, WE ALL THOUGHT THEY WERE MARRIED FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS, BUT I GUESS THAT WAS JUST HIS THUNDER ROLLING.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, YOU'RE FIRED. SINCERELY, THE WB.

That's it. Might be seeing GRANDMA'S BOY tomorrow night. We'll just have to wait and see.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

R.I.P. Richard Pryor

2005-12-10T19:17:00.000-08:00

Today, we lost a champion of free speech and comedy. Rest in peace, Mr. Pryor. Blazing Saddles will always be one of my favorite movies.

RICHARD PRYOR DEAD AT 65.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-09-05

2005-12-09T18:12:00.000-08:00

Late news... I was busy trying to sell my book all day.

DREAMWORKS SELLS OUT TO PARAMOUNT FOR $1.5 BILLION. SPIELBERG CAN NOW GO BACK TO JUST AMBLIN AROUND.

MATT DAMON IS MARRIED, AND NO, IT'S NOT TO YOU...OR AFFLECK.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON COULD VERY WELL JOIN BOWIE, BATMAN & WOLVERINE IN "THE PRESTIGE", IN ORDER, OF COURSE, TO SLEEP WITH MORE OLD MEN.

TIRED OF NOT SEEING ROCKY GET HIT IN THE FACE? THIS'LL FIX THAT!

EVEN THOUGH THERE ISN'T AN UNDERWORLD 2 OUT YET, UNDERWORLD 3 IS ALREADY BEING DISCUSSED.

JET LI SAYS HE WON'T DO MARTIAL ARTS MOVIES ANYMORE. STUNTMENT EVERYWHERE HUG THEIR BALLS FOR SUPPORT.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOWBIZ, CONTINUES HARDLY WORKING.

GUY WHO TOOK A TERRIBLE DUMP IN "DUMB & DUMBER" GETS TO BE BLIND.

NAOMI WATTS SAYS SHE SIGNED ON TO "KING KONG" WITHOUT READING THE SCRIPT...SO MUCH FOR HER NOT BEING THE SMARTEST BULB IN THE LIGHT.

SADLY SURVIVING IT, ASHLEE SIMPSON SAYS SHE DIDN'T EAT MUCH AT ALL FOR A LONG TIME.

KATE MOSS, NOBODY'S VIRGIN, TO BE IN AD FOR VIRGIN.

CHRIS ROCK WOULD RATHER CONTINUE MAKING A TRILLION BUCKS OFF OF HIS SITCOM THAN HOST THE ACADEMY AWARDS AGAIN.

THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS APPROVE OF "THE RINGER", FALL OVER WHILE RUNNING.

MEL GIBSON, DONE WITH JESUS, READY FOR HOLOCAUST MINI-SERIES.

That's it. Thanks for waiting. Go see some movies. See you on Monday.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep

Compiled News 12-08-05

2005-12-08T09:38:00.000-08:00

Thursday. The news is at hand:

GRAMMYS NOMINATIONS GO TO TALENTLESS HACKS, AS USUAL.

MPAA GIVES MOVIE ABOUT ITSELF AN NC-17.

WHO NEEDS "THE TERMINATOR" WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE VOICE OF THE CHICKEN IN "CHICKEN RUN"?

CARTOON NETWORK BROUGHT DOWN IN LONG ISLAND, ADULT SWIM MAKES MUCH MORE SENSE NOW.

GEORGE CLOONEY HAS FRIENDS THAT AREN'T BRAD PITT AND MATT DAMON.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS NO MORE BILL HICKS TO KICK AROUND, HERE'S SOME.

VALDERRAMA BETS A PONCH IN THE HEAD.

JOBLO GIVES YOU THE TOP 10 SNL ALUMS....EVER! ODDLY, I DON'T SEE ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL OR JULIA LOUIS DREYFUSS...WHAT GIVES?

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN, THEY FINALLY GAVE A NAME TO "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3", SO NOW YOU WON'T LOSE ANYMORE SLEEP IN YOUR JAIL CELL.

DR. SEUSS' "HORTON HEARS A WHO" GETS THE FEATURE TREATMENT...NO WORD YET ON WHETHER TWEEDLE BEETLES IN PADDLE BATTLE WILL GET A GREENLIGHT.

CBGB GETS ANOTHER YEAR, PLANS TO LEAVE STENCH OF JOEY RAMONE BEHIND FOR GOOD MEASURE.

NICOLE RITCHIE AND SOME GUY BREAK UP.

SORRY BOYS, KEN WATANABE IS OFF THE MARKET...BUT HE MARRIED A JAPANESE WOMAN, SO NOW MAYBE YOU'LL SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT THE CASTING IN "MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA".

POOR NICK NOLTE... HE WASN'T EVEN HOME THREE YEARS AGO WHEN A GIRL DECIDED SHE WANTED TO MAKE HEADLINES AND MONEY AT SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPENSE.

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

-Constable Kreegal
Big Boss of the Sheep